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This is the general useful tools page for Guy Code techniques, what to do and what not to do. Basically, everything having to do with manliness translated by Guy Code. Guy Code is the unwritten and written code that all guys must follow in order to be a man. It involves doing everything you can in order to achieve a goal usually having to do with getting laid. More over, Guy Code is not limited to the pleasures of female flesh but also being a powerful man able to control many things at once. Guy Code is both the overt and covert ritual of the spiritual, mental, free, and physical pursuit of the female Sex or anything having to do with victory. Guy Code is the means used to obtain power, dignity, honor, accomplishment, and the conquest of life heavily revolved around the female sex. If you have anything to contribute please Contact us.

 

 

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The Gun is Civilization E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 drill instructor hartmanAs the Supreme Court hears arguments for and against the Chicago , IL Gun Ban, I offer you another stellar example of a letter (written by a Marine) that places the proper perspective on what a gun means to a civilized society.Read this eloquent and profound letter and pay close attention to the last paragraph of the letter...

 
10 Quick Dumb Blonde Jokes E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 10 quick blond jokesThe dumb blonde is a popular-culture derogatory stereotype applied to portraying them as beautiful and sexy, dumb and easy. Well that doesn't sound all that bad to me so lets get started with 10 quick dumb blonde jokes.

 
Ads that Degraded Women E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

degrading women ads The 1950's have been argued to be the Apex of the American way of life and society. Look at us now. A failure to common sense and rationality an out dated concept. You can thank the Women's right to vote on that one. Rule of thumb, just because something feels right doesn't mean its not illegal. Well with that being said, check out a few of these old ads that degrade or reveal the simple mentality of a woman from the 1950's and then modern day ads that do the very same. What do they have in common? Sex sells a boat load and it works!

 
America Fuck Yeah! E-mail
Written by The Elder   

special forces patch mess with the ebst die liike the restI checked my email this morning and saw a video referred to me about American Special forces. I of course opened it up to peep it out. to my surprise it was a comedy. It was a comedy in regards that it placed TEAM AMERICA'S theme song in it and I laughed my ass off. If you like seeing America walking all over dirty scum killers, then peep this video. 

 
Better Party Ideas E-mail
Written by Fifth Round   

party scene  It's a Friday night and someone comes up with something to do but then someone else comes up with something better. What do you do? You take the better idea and run with it. The secret is you win either way no matter what you choose. It's almost like taking as much NyQuil as you can and jerking off before you fall asleep. You win either way. Ever happen to you, call me we'll talk about it.  Funny list of ideas and better ideas of parties to have. 

 

 
Bitch Get Your Hands Off My Fries E-mail
Written by The Elder   
"There are several sacred things in this world you don't ever mess with. One of them happens to be another mans fries." I believe that now and I believed that the first time I heard it back in the mid 1980's. A man's fries are a very sacred thing and you know you don't like it when someone tries to grab one of yours. However, Women know that fries taste good but also that they make a woman's ass get really big. So instead of ordering their own damn fries, women nibble off of yours which is so against Guy Code. Get your own damn fries and get the hell off of mine!
 
Candy Ass Wants to be A Navy Seal E-mail
Written by The Elder   

gay navy guy A friend of mine (who is a very hot chick) works with this beta male douche hose who is the ultimate throw back for Candy Ass momma's boys. All he does is complain about the most common since acts of life that normal everyday people just bat an eye at. Since my friend is so hot I listen to her venting about this candy ass fairy and its pissed me off so bad that I wrote an attack piece just to vent my frustration. To top it all off, he goes around telling everyone he works with that he is going to be a Navy Seal.That is what pissed me off the most.

 
Classic Craig's List Ad, Sex Sells! E-mail
Written by The Elder   

craig's list logo Criag's List has gotten some questionable media attention in the news but this is truly classic. If you are wanting to sell something second hand, using whatever means as it matter to the imagine of human fulfillment is not out of the question. Check out this great ad for this fine TV cabinet. Not totally funny but amusing anyway.

 
Crash the Super Bowl Video E-mail
Written by The Elder   

crash the super bowl

The ranks of Guy Code are spilling into the up coming Super bowl. Check out the sneak peak of the new Doritos Super bowl commercial. If you like to eat animals then this is a video for you. If you are an animal rights lover then sit on your thumb, count to 12 and see if we still give a shit. Nonetheless and always a little bit more, the two guys involved in this video are an untapped resource and need your vote to put them over the top. Check out the video and give it some points. This is just a taste of the mayhem they will release on the world just like Ron Jeremy did on the backs of all those P stars! Enjoy.

 
Dirty Hair, Dirty Clothes, Dirty Breath, Babes E-mail
Written by The Elder   

guy looking like a bum I tell you, some Women really can pick them. Some guys go out and buy all the designer clothes, cologne and shoes to get the girl and still its hard. If you calculate the amount of money guys spend to get all dolled up you would slap yourself. I say this because have seen how one of my friends gets the girls attention by look like hammered dog turds. No really, he looks like a bum living in the woods off of Camp Crystal Lake. However, unbeknownest to me, he gets BABES.

 
Don Draper the Essence of Man E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 donald draper amc madmenDon Draper the fictional character from AMC MADMEN is making waves. MADMEN has caught the attention of viewers with this wonderful throw back of a show from the 1960s. The show illustrates the APEX of men in society and the dominance and control they had before political correctness abortion was conceived. Men like watching this show to remind themselves what is was like hen men were completely in charge and portrayed in a light of supreme authority. Don Draper is every man's desire for control, power and gratification.

 
Dude, Don't Do That E-mail
Written by The Elder   

angry stalker Ok, so you are a drunk and your wife wants to leave you because you will not admit you have a problem. On top of it all, you a you're also an asshole. When a woman gets tired of not getting what she wants she will go out and seek it somewhere else. You know, she may just find herself a stunt cock to fill in the gaps of your relationship. I'm not saying that this is right , I'm just saying that this happens all the time. However, when you find out that your wife is cheating on you don't do this...

 
Engagement Ring or .50 Caliber Barrett ? E-mail
Written by Micheal Savage   

barrett 50 caliber sniper rifle or wedding ring I have a chance to spend 13,000.00 on an engagement ring for my fiancee or a Barrett 50 caliber sniper rifle for myself. If you are a man and don't know what a Barrett is, then rent the movie Navy Seals and slap your balls to make sure you still have feeling down there. I really am in a quandary of what I should do. I keep weighing the pluses and minus of each but still find myself twinkling my toes in cold water about making a decision. What would you do if you weighed your options? Buy an engagement ring or a bad ass sniper rifle?

 
Eulogy for Michelob E-mail
Written by The Elder   

my dog michelob

Recently one of my friends suffered a personal loss and I wanted to share it with everyone. The loss was his loyal dog Michelob. I only met Michelob once but he made himself quite at home when he claimed his nap time was going to be on my feet for the duration of my visit. During this visit I noticed there was a painting of Michelob on the wall of my friends home. This painting signified how special this dog was, is and will always be to him. Moreover, a dog is truly man's best friend and it will be a trend that will never cease to end. Some where out there is potential for every dog to be a Michelob and for every man out there to have one. In good times and bad times, dogs are always happy, loyal and protective of their family and the following eulogy for Michelob demonstrates that man can be equally the same for his dog.

 
Final Four Finances E-mail
Written by Fifth Round   

final four finances Hey the country is in the middle of a mitosis of economic destruction but hey thank god for college basket ball and stupid television shows. Instead of cutting back and planning to move forward lets waste what little solvency we have left and waste it on distraction. lulz

 

 
Fuck the US Census E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 us census 2010 A friend of mine made epic lulz of the US Census. I could not help but share. I received the census myself and it revealed nothing of any useful value. Not how much you make, what you do, do u have any stds etc. What a waste of tax payer money. 

 
Funniest Craig's List Yard Sale Ad E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

 craigs list adLots of crazy stuff ends up on Craig's list, lots of stuff. Maybe some of you even have bought something from it. I have a friend who's business went under, got a divorce and could no longer afford his high end house. After watching a crazy youtube video he got drunk and put everything he Owned in a yard sale that he put on Craig's List. The day of the yard sale people from 3 towns over lined up to see if this guy (my friend) was telling the truth. 

 
Guy Code Hating E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Mutley

Hating is nothing new for a guy who is really awesome in every aspect of his life. However, there is a fine line with committing a Guy Code Hate Crime against a guy who is doing the same thing you are trying to do, which is to crush ass.

 
Guy Who Like Air Soft Guns E-mail
Written by The Elder   

airsoft players have tiny balls I'm a real man and I like guns. What kind of real man doesn't? (Rhetorical) Even the candyass liberal man loved the movie "Taken" so what is up with guys who buy AIR SOFT rifles? Seriously, people who sell or buy air soft rifles can not be American at all. All air soft rifles do is get real men's hopes up thinking they are look or have found the real thing and it turns out to be a gay ass air soft rifle. Please stop making fake ass reproductions its interfering with my internet search for real gun accessories.

 
Having a Dry Spell With Women? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Having a dry spell in the theater of getting Women can be very dramatic to a man's  ego. It can also cause you to feel as though you are cursed and convince you that you are a strike out artist. However, you do have one alternative to rescue your ego and self esteem. STRIP CLUBS!!! Saddle up and go for the best thing you can pay for to nurse your ego, stability and false sense confidence back to health, STRIPPERS!

 
High School Cheer Coach Fired After Posing Nude E-mail
Written by The Elder   

carlie christine A fully hot cheer leading coach loses her teaching job because she was so damn hot. Carlie Christine was such a looker, that she took it upon herself to be a Play Boy playmate. Well, although it is true, she looks smoking, she was fired from her teaching position at Casa Robles High School. The whole football team loved her but the all female administration staff had to give Christine a pink slip because she reminded them of how inadequate they are as Women

 
How is Wrestling Not Extinct? E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

sting and kurt angle How the hell is Professional Wrestling still around? Yes, growing up I was a huge wrestling fan. However, as an adult I can not get over wrestling's biggest problem. Its fake. More over, why the hell would you still watch wrestling when you can watch the UFC

 
I Shot My Foot With A .45 Auto E-mail
Written by The Elder   

guy shot his foot A .45 caliber round makes a pretty big hole, I can just imagine how the conversation went like, "Hey check out my new M&P Smith & Wesson 45 auto! It came with night sights and has a really great trigger pull", nice squeeze Bang!!!!....Oh Shit....I shot my foot!" The moral is, there is a difference being a guy whole like guns and then a guy withwho likes guns who also has common sense. This is what his foot looks like.

 
Iraqi Gangsta Kid aka The Don of Ghaz Main E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 the don of ghaz mainThis fat Iraqi kid is displaying American qualities of being a gangsta. He dance in the street, throws random hand signs and beats some smaller kids ass for candy. The Iraq culture has been forever changed thanks to American troops who are real men. Thanks to Guy Code.

 
Jessica Simpson Cheeseburger In Paradise E-mail
Written by The Elder   

jessica simpson's cheesebuger shot This is a great picture that must be looked at by all guys concerning Jessica Simpson's revealing bathing suit. Cheeseburger in paradise. Enjoy. 

 
Men's English E-mail
Written by The Elder   

male dictionary This needs no introduction but I digress. For all of you Candy Ass males out there with men parts, these are the real meaning to male responses. For all you ladies out there, you need not read, we mean what we say and do what we say. Stop making it complicated.

 
My Body My Choice My Gun E-mail
Written by The Elder   

chick with mp5There are estimated to be nearly 640 million small arms in the world today and 80 million Us Citizens have at least one. Nearly 60 % of them are in the hands of private individuals most of them men. In addition to, the vast majority of those who make, sell, buy, own, use or misuse small arms are also men. What does this mean for the world's Women and girls? It means one of two things, first they are married to a man who has a gun or they are defenseless. Well some women are taking matters into their own hands and getting acquainted with the ultimate equalizer.

 
Palin Alec Baldwin Angle E-mail
Written by The Elder   

alec baldwin and sarah palinSarah Palin makes a surprise stop on Saturday Night Live in an attempt to poke back at her critics. There stood Palin and there stood Alec Baldwin, it was the perfect storm. Republican verse Democrat, but no shots were fired. Baldwin known for his political views saw a beautiful woman and played the Alec Baldwin Angle. Sex before politics at all costs, in all moments, all the time. The man should be given a medal and he was completely respectful to other side. Of course if Palin looked like Hillary Clinton aka an ogar butt bugar then I would not have blamed Baldwin for getting politically nasty, but Palin is hot and he would rather get nasty up in that firm looking bumper dumper of Sarah Palin.

 
Picking Your Wedding Party E-mail
Written by Angelo Gingerelli   

wedding party photo If you are thinking about getting married there is much more than just picking your bride. When you are picking your bridal party keep in mind that these people will be forever in the photo and memories of those attending your wedding. You have to be sure these people will be responsible and contribute to the memory of the biggest day of your life. So, behold the blue print of the wedding CAP! 

 
Retiring Your Friends Jersey E-mail
Written by The Elder   

There will always come a time where a guy finds that special someone and begins to spend every waking moment with her. This moment turns from hours, to days, to weeks, to MARRIAGE. He begins to lose his instinct to hunt and becomes domesticated by his girl friend. She cooks, she cleans, she does laundry, and she takes care of his every waking needs.  

 
Rules for Preparing BBQ E-mail
Written by Jonathan Batsel   

 bbq chef logoNow that BBQ season has arrived (trick statement, its always in season in the South!), it is perhaps a good idea to remind one and all of the tremendous significance of barbecues in the fabric of society and why men have barbecued meat from the dawn of civilization. For those men who Love a good BBQ please take some time to read how it should be prepared. Women,pay close attention!

 
Sex Education That Really Works E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 showing a girl what a penis is Sex education is really a joke. The best thing you can do is to just lock up your daughters until they are 30 years old. If you have sons there should be nothing to worry about. After all if you have just sons you only have to worry about one penis. Sadly if you have nothing but daughters you have to worry about all the penises trying to get in. Since you can not lock you daughters up (damn regulations) just show them these4 picture diagrams and it should explain everything to them. 

 
So You Have A Chinese Lettering Tattoo? E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

chinese tattoo I am astonished at all the people who get tattoos of other cultures they know nothing about on their body let alone able to read. Nothing says Asian tattoo like a non of Asian descent tattoo wearer. I'm sure many of you have seen people with tattoos that do not match their cultural origins. We have a list of pass and fail Chinese lettering tattoos. Please don't make the same mistake. Yes, we make fun of your Asian lettering when you leave and people laugh at you.

 
Spending Like A Drunken Sailor Rebuttal E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 drunken sailor"Spend money like drunken sailors” (or “spend money like a drunken sailor") means to have few fiscal constraints, or to spend money freely. In the 1700s and 1800s, sailors were at sea for weeks and months at a time. When they came to shore and received their paychecks, their first inclination was often to treat themselves. I feel bad for sailors because when they spend all their money they run out unlike Washington DC. They just keep spending ours!

 
Stephan Bonnar A Nutrition Endorser? E-mail
Written by The Elder   
stephen bannar muscle building miracleAre you a fan of the UFC? If so, do you even know who Stephen Bonnar is besides the guy who lost to Forest Griffin on the Ultimate Fighter Reality tv show? Exactly, you're scratching your head thinking, "Isn't that guy who fought the guy that nobody gave a shit about?" Yes, he is. I was shocked when I saw a Google ad featuring Bonnar endorsing a nutrition product. Seriously, spend a little extra money and find someone like BJ Penn or even Ken Shamrock that people will recognize and try your product. Don;t pick a Run of the Mill fighter who can't even get a title shot to feature your product. I guess if you only want to be run of the mill then the product really does work.
 
Taliban Monkey Terrorists E-mail
Written by The Elder   

monkey terrorists  Monkeys have been trained by the Taliban in Afghanistan to use machine guns and trench mortars against U.S. military forces, reports People's Daily Online. This means the Taliban are not man enough to fight a war fairly so why the hell do we?

 
The Gym Doucher E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

BOOBS AT THE GYM   If you have ever been to a gym to work out you my have noticed a guy who was staring at himself in the mirror like he was looking at free porn on the internet. At first glance what you have witnessed is called the Gym Doucher. This guy only goes to strip clubs so that he can stare at himself in the mirror as opposed to the pole dancing strippers. If you have had a questionable experience with masculinity concerning another guy in the gym you may want to reference this article to learn the behavioral characteristics of a Gym Doucher.

 
The Smoking Gun "The Perfect Woman" E-mail
Written by The Elder   

girl holding smoking gun My friends, friends as in guys, there is such a thing a perfect woman. I know many of you are skeptical about this promulgation. So let me rephrase to a more accurate depiction. A near perfect woman. Yes, it’s true, they do exist. Again, many guys have been betrayed, hearts broken, manipulated and worse by Women and naturally you have your guard up. Hell some of you may be even vindictive and out to destroy women yourself! No matter, once you come across a Smoking Gun, all things change for the better.

 
The Truth about Crocs E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Crocs are a fashion nightmare and represent much more than just ridiculous foot wear. Crocs foot wear has spread across the world like a rampaging case of herpes and foot corns. In addition to, the name Croc is taken from the expression "crock of shit" or that is a popular belief in many colleges. Crocs have generated a collective effort of disposition among those who are forced to exist around others who wear them. This article gives a run down why these shoes must be flogged, burned and then tied in irons and dropped to the depths of the sea.

 
Tiger Woods 2009 Guy Code Man Of the Year E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 tiger woods affair THOUSAND OAKS, Calif. With a public apology, Tiger Woods disclosed his "wife's unrealistic expectations" and acknowledged that she had "not been realistic to a man of his status and power". Upon the public disclosure of Tiger's affairs with many harlots, he has been awarded Guy Code 2009 Man of the Year for having the most outrageous affair brought to public scrutiny. Not to mention for not only having Sex with his most gorgeous wife but also carrying on multiple affairs at the same time. Not an easy task being the most popular sports figure in the world to remain secret for so long. It’s no wonder he is Guy Code’s 2009 Man of the Year.

 
Top Gun Rules of Engagement E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Top Gun rules of Engagement is an article dedicated to all guys who Love the popular 1980's hit "Top Gun". The article is full of Top Gun quotes, references and concepts as it matters to chicks. In other words, when you quote a Top Gun line there is a covert meaning. We have displayed the proper "back room behavior" of what these lines really mean. So use them publically with no fear of chicks understanding what the hell you are talking about.

 
Tori-Holics Anonymous E-mail
Written by The Elder   

alcoholics anonymous logoEveryone has had a broken heart in life but only middle schoolers should have obsessions. Toriholics Anonymous was created for the express purpose of reaching out to obsessed men who are complete pathetic losers. These men are not only a danger to their own emotional sanity but a danger to the girl in which they are stalking both metaphorically and figuratively. It is cute when you are a kid and you have a crush, it is a whole different zip code when you are over 25 years of age and living in a fantasy land where not even you have to pay a token to get on the ride of denial.

If you are continually pursuing a girl and have not sealed the deal by 3 months it means she does not like you, she does not want to be with you, she does not think about you, her friends hate you and your friends are embarrassed by you (if you still have any left at this point). Please read the Toriholics anonymous 12 step program to return dignity to your life and to prevent you from becoming a danger to society and to the lives of others around you, namely the Tories of this world. Remember, realizing you are a pathetic loser who trouble follows you is half the battle.

 
US Army and Guy Code E-mail
Written by The Elder   

The US Army and their role as the occupying force of Guy Code on the War on Terrorism.

 
US Marines and Guy Code E-mail
Written by The Elder   

This is about American Marines and their use of Guy Code as it matters to the War on Terror. Marines basically travel the world, meet new people, and kill them and then bang the snot out of their Women. You may have remembered a similar concept from Arnold Schwarzenegger's movie Conan the Barbarian. That’s Marine Guy Code in a nut shell. But is doesn't just limit it to waylaying exotic beauties or some not so pretty, but also blowing stuff up and getting paid for it. Hoorah!

 
Video Game Review: Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection E-mail
Written by Fifth Round   

sonic the hedgehog Sega Genesis recap of the greatest Games men have ever played, after all I never heard of chicks getting a Sega system to play fury fury rabbit. “I’ll knock you out cold, fool I’m too young to be old school". Remember this I keep it middle school like Reebok Pumps and Sega Genesis”

  -Battle with Danny T. (Dan Friendly’s house Summer 2003)*

 
Wedding Crasher Rules E-mail
Written by Maverick   

The movie Wedding Crashers starring Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson had a list of Wedding Crasher rules they quoted throughout the film. We have carefully listed them below for all of you guys to follow and quote.

 
Who Would You Bang In The Gym? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

guy thinking I use to work at a gym as well work out my bad ass body. One of the younger guys who also worked there one day came up to me and asked, "So who would you?" The way he looked at me as he asked his question could not be mistaken. So without skipping a beat I looked around and said, "The milf on treadmill 9". He smiled and said, "Oh hell yea, I would too". So have you ever played "Who Would You"?

 
Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives E-mail
Written by The Elder   

mans posing with dog  A best friend is defined as someone whom you can count on every time you feel down and out, someone who accepts you despite your imperfections and will stand beside you through thick and thin. I haven’t met a dog owner yet who didn’t place their dog at the top of their list when they were asked to name their best friends. Because dogs are highly sociable animals, they are extremely loyal to their owners. The unconditional Love and companionship they provide to owners and their families have earned them the title "Man's Best Friend" for over a century now. This loyalty and friendship has resulted in dog owners treating them as family members. Hence why some men prefer dogs over Women and yet women call men dogs (jealous).

 
You Always Buy The Cow and The Milk Is Never Free E-mail
Written by The Elder   

girl in cow make upWhy buy the cow when the milk is free? Is it ever really free? I mean is it? I am sorry to say that is a lie unless you went to a college party and a passed out girl who bought her own drinks decides to bang you. That is about as free as it gets but I'm sorry to say highly unlikely to ever happen again. Men will always pay for Sex in one form or another. This is why buy sex from a prostitute is no different than dating a woman.

 
2nd Amendment & Guy Code E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 hot chick wth gun  Let's face it guys, guns are Guy Code. If you are a guy and you do not like guns, military victory, over whelming force, conquering, winning, being # 1 or movies glorifying bad asses with guns then you are not a real man and need to stuff a sock down your crotch to cover up your vagina. In case you didn't know, guns founded this country and it's culture we have today. The colonists of the American colonies did not put together a petition stating they wish to be free of Great Britain as it's sovereign and King George did not say, "Sure, you seem like nice guys go ahead". That's whats being taught in public schools today but is it the truth? No. The truth is Americans picked up their guns and showed the greatest military force in the world (at the time) what men of will really were. In recent times, the United States Supreme Court ruled in 2008 & 2010that states/districts or territories can not hinder a citizens right to keep and bear arms and that to keep and bear arms means to possess firearms.


 
Alfie Patten is Father at 13 E-mail
Written by The Elder   

alfie patten baby daddy A 13 year old boy from Great Britain Alfie Patten, knocks up 15 year old girl Chantelle Steadmen and they are now a dependent family. Ironically, this kid's name is Alfie. I guess he made the same mistake Jude Law's character did in the movie Alfie. You are suppose to bang the brod not father a child with her! Young Alfie Patten is now locked down for life while working at the local pub for schillings on the lb to pay for his new baby girl Maisie Rennox!

 
America! Fuck yeah! E-mail
Written by Traitor Chick   

america fuck yea woman with shot gun There are so many things that make this country so great.  And, as I sit here on the beautiful 4th of July morning, I can barely keep track of all of them.  So, I’m writing them down and sharing them with you.

 
Big Hat No Cattle E-mail
Written by The Elder   

big hat no cattleEver heard the expression “big hat, no cattle”? If you have then it was not a compliment. Guys are always guilty of exaggerating their accomplishments especially when boasting about Sex. When girls are getting out of long relationships they always fall prey to a guy who claims he's a sure thing in bed. However, if exaggerating can get you naked hokey pokey time and afterward the girl says that you were a complete sexual let down, just ask yourself two questions. One, did you have an orgasm and two, did she really not enjoy herself? The answer to the first question will always be "yes I did" and the answer to the second question is, "who cares". You still got laid and that's all that matters, its guy code!

 
C.R.E.A.M. E-mail
Written by Fifth Round   

caution stupid people crossingMy god the news is shocking everyday I am forced to watch it. It's bad enough the DOW Jones is riding a pogo stick but to have people completely clueless about what is really going on with their own lives is even more frustrating. I think the government made a mistake by trying to socialize every aspect of human behavior in all of it's citizens lives and this is what has led us into societal stupidity. I guess common sense isn't as common as it once was.

 
Charlie Sheen 2011 Guy Code Man Of The Year E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Charlie Sheen 2012 Guy Code Man of the Year! Charlie Sheen wins the Guy Code 2011 Man of the Year Award!

 

 
Clinging Levels of Girls aka (Stage 5 Clinger) E-mail
Written by The Elder   

girls kissing phone

The movie Wedding Crashers brought to public light the Clinger Condition some Women in America have. These conditions have been described as an anxiety disorder by some doctors but modern day sociologists would disagree. The absence of a strong male figure early in a woman’s life has said to be responsible the Clinger Condition. Clinger Condition are failure to launch warning signs of women for men to be aware of when out cruising the town for chicks. There are 5 record levels of clinging with each being explained for your sanity and more importantly your safety.

 
Dangers of Cock Blocking E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Cock Blocking is an all American sport when trying to use every advantage to lay a chick before another guy gets the opportunity. More over cock blocking is also been labeled a controversial move in the hook up world but has its strengths and weaknesses.

 
Domino's Show Us Your Pizza Winner E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 dominos logoThe best Domino's Show us Your Pizza contest winner ever!

 
Dude She Friend Requested Me, Piss Off E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Have you ever been friend requested by a girl you are barely acquaintances with? I'm sure you have so what do we do when a chick friend requests us? We look at their pictures and then send them a message back. I thought that was the whole point on these community websites. Well it is until her boyfriend takes the liberty of contacting you about having a dialogue with his girlfriend. Dude, when a hot chick friend requests you you speak to her, its guy code!

 
Emergency Way To Sober Up E-mail
Written by The Elder   
drunk idiot Isn't it funny how you get drunk after you leave the bar? Seriously, inside the bar you are on top of the wold, ordering drinks left and right and you feel great. Then as soon as the bar closes (unless you are in Vegas or Miami) you start to feel it quickly. We have discovered the one method that can sober you up at least enough that you can walk and not be dizzy.
 
Eulogy For Kash E-mail
Written by The Elder   

  Mr Kash Money Millionaire, “Kashy” “Kashi” “Kacha”, 5, of Winston Salem, NC, originally from Raleigh, NC passed away unexpectedly on Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at his home, in the comfort of his mother’s arms.

 
Facebook Biggest Source for Evidence For Divorce Lawyers E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

facebook divorce Gentleman you must realize that the information age is not your friend. To those of you seeking online affairs or someone to cheat on your wife with, please read the following.  Forgot to de-friend your wife on Facebook while posting vacation shots of your mistress? Her divorce lawyer will be thrilled. Guys wake up, if you are going to have an affair don’t write home using the hotel stationary that you committed adultery in. that being said, don’t use your real facebook account to seek out affairs with, you will get caught and pay more than money.

 
Forrest "I Got Knocked Out By A Jab" Griffin E-mail
Written by The Elder   

forrest griffin  Well, I was not expecting former light heavy weight champion Forrest Griffin, to get knocked out in perhaps one of the worst main events in MMA history. Anderson the "Spider" Silva literally knocked Griffin out while asking for a glass of water. Yes it was that gay. If you didn't see the fight, try to imagine taking a lighting dump in a gas station bathroom and flushing the commode before the turd ever hit the water. That's how fast this knock out was and it wasn't even glorious. Anderson "Spider" Silva said next time he would fight in a wheel chair just to make it fair while doing calculus with a abacus.

 
Fuck Universal Health Care E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 scary nurse Fuck Universal Health care. How is that Manly? Why the hell would a real man who works and supports him and his want to pay for a bunch of derelicts who are scamming the system? They wouldn't! A real man takes care of HIS responsibilities not put them off on another man or even a woman. You candy asses know who you are. You want something for free? Wait once a year and go TRICK OR TREATING!

 
Giant Alligator Killed in Alabama E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

 giant alligator in alabamaYea, a 28 foot alligator was killed in Alabama because buba just had to say he killed a monster. This magnificent specimen survived god knows how many years and some dumb redneck killed it in the interest of public safety. To be honest most people suck and they should have re-released that alligator in Washington DC so it could do some good. Check out this monster, Steve Irwin would have creamed in his pants at the sight of this beauty.

 
Guy Code Legend Michael Holder E-mail
Written by The Elder   

michael holtzclaw There is always a wild and crazy relative in the family who tasks deeds of masculinity for both good and evil. This story is but one of many from a man who practiced Guy Code from birth. It was rumored that when he was born the doctor was afraid to spank him and got his own mother to do it. It was a very smart decision. Behold a brief story of shenanigans galore to a poor soul who thought he could pass uncle Mike in a turning lane somewhere in New York City. The legend continues to grow.

 
Guys Who Use Steroids E-mail
Written by The Elder   

guy on steroids Want to get huge but don't want to put in a lot of dedication in the gym? Well, the thing I hear to use is steroids. They will get you big and the only price you have to pay to get there is your heterosexuality! That's right, guys who use steroids end up being gay! They get so use to staring at themselves in the gym that when they go to strip clubs they stare at themselves in the mirrors! Well, most do and the ones who don't are thought of to be gay anyway! See if using steroids will pay off for you.

 
Hey Marine, Ever Play the Game Smiles In Thailand? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

thailand stripper Every been to Thailand? Well some Marine buddies of mine have and boy do they have some stories. The one in particular that struck my fancy was the game called "smiles". If you were every in the military and went to Bangkok, then you already know what I'm talking about. If you haven't then read on and you will wish they do this in the champagne room in US strip clubs.

 
Hit It & Quit It Quotes E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 Hit it and Quit ItSummarizing one night stands into short rhyming sentences can be quite hilarious. Please, pass on the jewels of knowledge to your guy friends. Learn the hit it and quit quotes so you can treat those boats like hoes!

 
How To Stop A Toyota Prius E-mail
Written by The Elder   

michael moore toyota prius This is a great demonstration in how to stop an out of control Prius. The instructor in the lesson is politically incorrect but he is an effective communicator. For all of you Green People out there who shouldn't be driving a car anyway chances are you will fall into the category of not being able to stop your Prius. Please take note on how to stop your Prius when an operational error occurs.

 
If You are a NICE GUY E-mail
Written by The Elder   

If you are a nice guy in the age when society is being threatened politically by a bunch of fat, ugle, and most likely bull dyke lesbos, you will not succeed at getting laid.

 
James Harrelson Makes Hole In One Disc Golf E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 james harrelson hole in one My old childhood friend made an Ace in one while playing Disc Golf in the great mountains of North Carolina.  This video shows a precision throw as the frisbee lands into the catcher with ease. It's a pretty damn good shot of the whole event. If only he would have played for the ECU I-RATES!

 
Manscaping E-mail
Written by The Elder   

guy getting waxed Manscaping is the popular practice of trimming your unmentionable areas for better presentation of your sexual goods. This has become all the rage starting in the late 1990's to present. Most guys however still have reservations about if for fear they may be seen as being gay. Other guys have figured out that if you shave your poodle area a girl would be less intimated when pondering whether or not she wanted to go down on you. 

 
Metro Sexual Guy Code E-mail
Written by The Elder   

ryan seacrest metro sexualA metrosexual is a clothing fashion whore who is a male and suffers from classic narcissism. Like any member from the Back Street Boys, who has been known to paint their fingernails, the metrosexual is not afraid to embrace his feminine side. Why "metrosexual"? The metro- (city) prefix indicates this man's purely urban lifestyle, while the -sexual suffix comes from " Homosexual," meaning that this man, although he is usually straight, embodies the heightened aesthetic sense often associated with certain types of gay men. However, either it be this way do to feminism run a muck, metro-sexuals embrace Guy Code to it's fullest extent and try to serial bang chicks wholesale.

 
Nerds Vs Beta Males E-mail
Written by The Elder   

nerd verse beta males When I was growing up the people to make fun of were the nerds. Several movies were made about this social phenomena with the most famous being "Revenge of the Nerds". Now a new trend is setting is to the point the nerds are being more accepted. This new trend of men are called Beta Males. Beta Males are the limp wristed men who have been feminized into having their successfully dropping off. So I thought to myself, who would win as it mattered to sexual conquests, Nerds or Beta Males?

 
People Who Do Not Deserve Universal Healthcare E-mail
Written by Fifth Round   

UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE LOGO Does being a real man mean paying not only your way through life but for the way of a collective of dead beats? Well, I would argue that a real man would take care of  him and his ( yep those words ) and if he wanted to help someone else it would be his prerogative (Thanks Bobby Brown, hit her again and put some stank on it!) I find it humorous that the Government makes us be charitable to those who can not help themselves. Not only is that Un-American it goes against being a real man and defiantly against Guy Code.

 
Pussy Crushers of the World Unite E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

2012 2012 is the end of the world so what is the most important thing you would want to do before it all ends? If you said playing chess with Carl Weathers, you need to go ahead and end your life now. When the herd starts to stampede like the Black Friday Walmart incident, you better be stampeding for pussy. The last great rush left in the world will be having random unprotected Sex with as many chicks as possible. If you have reservations about crushing pussy then it means you are gay and think god the world is ending.

 
Riding the Zeplin aka Fat Chick E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

fat girlIt is an honor first of all to submit this piece to a website that is not only entertaining but a guiding light to men everywhere. I wanted to bring to light the benefits of banging a fat chick. Most right off tops would think I was crazy but rest assured I am quite sane. I will give maximum details on checking off your list of things to bang by encouraging a romp with a fat chick. The treasured knowledge below contains reasons why it would be beneficial to jump to bones of old Moby Dick herself. In short, 10 ways or things to do with a fat chick. Good luck.

 
Self Inflicted Cock Blocking E-mail
Written by Traitor Chick   

sabotage A female informant who may or may not be "a Smoking Gun" has sent vital self destructive Cock Blocking information to itsguycode.com. In her own words " Boys, if you’re doing any of the following, do yourself a favor and punch yourself in the nuts RIGHT NOW. You have officially cock blocked yourself." 

 
She Better Be Calling You Daddy E-mail
Written by T.J. Mackey   

 

When it all boils down to it, your woman’s affection is nothing more than a pressure cooker boiling with varying degrees of daddy issues. The reasons are limitless: Poppa was never home, poppa reeked of moonshine, poppa was a crossdresser, poppa ran off with the circus, or poppa was a porn star. So then, when it comes time for the two of you to agree on your cute little nickname in the relationship, she is absolutely opposed to calling you “Daddy,” because she’s still harboring hatred toward her actual father and will not be caught dead calling another man that. 

 
Sophitia Alexandra E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 Sophitia Alexandra boobsFor the gammers out there I'm sure you have heard of Sophitia Alexandra. Well, over the years the creators of the Soul series games have updated and modified Sophitia's assets. Let's just say we have modified them a bit of our own. In addition to, we have also found a real life Sophitia so you can FAP knowing she is real and not a video cartoon!

 
STD's Are Rampant Wrap It Up!!! E-mail
Written by The Elder   
std clinicI'm sure everyone has heard about STD's but have you ever had any or more importantly, have you ever thought you had one? The thought that you may have an STD is probably one of the scariest things a guy can encounter. Having to wait to find out if you are infected with god knows what can really take the wind out of yours sails. When you get that call from the doctor, you know its not good news. Bam, you have an STD that ain't going away. The unwanted gift at Christmas that keeps giving and giving. If you don't have an STD yet pay attention and if you already do quit fucking brods without a condom.
 
Tag Myspace / Facebook Friends With Guy Code Personality Chart E-mail
Written by The Elder   

guy code facebook myspace chart Now guys and even girls can tag your personality on Myspace or Facebook. There is a collection of personality types that your friends can tag your name under. Some are funny, some are mean and some are just true. Upload the picture to your Myspace or Facebook account and start tagging your friends! Now you will be able to see what they really think of you.

 
The Art of Handshaking E-mail
Written by SteveO   

Hit it and quit itThe Classic
Favored by world leaders, salesmen and the elderly, the classic is undoubtedly the reigning greeting of choice. In all its forms – single pump, double pump, continuous pump (in which the initiator maintains a steady rhythm throughout the duration of a short conversation), vice grip and sissy – the classic shows no signs of becoming obsolete. Developed in the early 1920s as a square dance step, it quickly left the barn for the big city, where it gained urban popularity which is unsurpassed to this day.

 

 
The Real Miss America Polly Bobsenie E-mail
Written by The Elder   

miss america sniper chick  SrA Polly-Jan Bobseine is a Journeyman in the 823rd Security Forces Squadron at Moody AFB, Georgia. This 19 year old ex-cheerleader / Bambi killer / Terrorist Virgin Dispenser (now an Air Force Security Forces Sniper) was watching a road that led to a NATO military base when she observed a man digging by the road aka soon to be dead ass bad guy). She engaged the target (i.e., she shot him with a 308 caliber rifle aka M-40). Guys who can not handle a strong woman, you may want to skip this article, Candy Ass.

 
The TANG List E-mail
Written by theoneandonlyfm   

Fellas, we all know there are good Women out there. Some of us have been lucky to find them, others have not. But all of us know the horror stories from our pasts - the crazy ones, the cheaters, the gold-diggers, and so on. So presented here, for your perusal...the first attempt at categorizing these nightmarish creatures...

 
Thinking about Cheating, but paranoid of STDs? E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

man pondering in thought Every guy has thought about cheating on his girlfriend /wife / fiancee once in his life (more like everyday of it). Why do guys cheat anyway? Well most guys do cheat because they can not resist the savor of the sweet flavor of a new exploration of a hollowed out flesh vat (another girls vagina). In other words, having Sex with new vagina is like Captain Kirk exploring the final frontier which involves waylaying green Women. So what's the problem other than getting caught cheating? The problem is having your penis end up looing like a cheese pizza with everything on it by getting an sexually transmitted diseases! Gross. 

 
Top 10 Daughters of Famous Singers to Bang to their Own Songs E-mail
Written by T.J. Mackey   

How funny would it be to bang the daughters of famous singers to their father's own hit songs? We did. We were working out in the gym and this idea just popped out. we started laughing and coming up with some names and then what songs we would play. So we prepared a Top 10 list of daughters to bang to their father's music. We also changed the lyrics around a it but that's another story.

 
Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women E-mail
Written by The Elder   

These are the top10 reasons why men prefer Guns over Women. Come on, I know you're curious to find out. 

 
US Airforce and Guy Code E-mail
Written by The Elder   

The US Airforce and its role in supporting Guy Code from the skies all over the world.

 
US Coast Guard and Guy Code E-mail
Written by The Elder   

The US Coast Guard, Guy Code, and girls of Spring Break.

 

 

 

 
US Navy and Guy Code E-mail
Written by The Elder   

The Us Navy and their use of Guy Code as it matters to the world and the War on Terrorism.

 
Warning Signs of Being Whipped E-mail
Written by The Elder   

whipped guyThere is a collection of consecutive warning signs that emerge when you or most likely, a friend of yours is being taken from the herd and being branded by his girlfriend, otherwise known as being WHIPPED.

 
When Sexting Goes Wrong E-mail
Written by The Elder   

sexting on cell phone Have you ever sent a nude pic of yourself to the girl you are crushing or received one from a girl via text message? If you have then you have just practiced "sexting". Sexting is when you send nude images via text message to a chick. Sounds fun and we all have done it at one time or another. Well a problem has presented itself when some uptight squares realized that if underage teens practice sexting they are committing child pornography (which is a felony unless your Michael Jackson). So law makers have decided to arrest all teenagers who practice sexting and label them as a Sex offenders.

 
Why do Chicks like Beta Males? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

candy ass maleHave you ever heard of a BETA MALE? For those of you who have not, please do not get them confused with METRO-SEXUAL males. Yes there is a difference between metro sexual men and BETA MALES. Metro-sexuals can still be self serving assholes where as beta males are feminized push overs who do anything their girlfriends ask. Why are beta males worth discussing you ask? Well, there seems to be a growing epidemic of beta males who are confusing the natural path of Women as it matters to their gender role with normal men! Beware of the beta male!

 
Winning an Arguement with a Girl E-mail
Written by The Elder   

arguing thumbSome say it is impossible to win an argument with a woman, I say they are wrong. However, social entitlement has defiantly given Women the upper hand, but when you break old school 1950's style masculinity, you will win every time.If you want to win an argument with a chick there are some options to obtain this much satisfying victory.