Crocs Suck Ass

Crocs Inc. was founded by entrepreneur George B. Boedecker., Jr. when he had a dream about becoming gay (generic gay not Homosexual gay). In June of 2002, Boedecker used a company he had previously formed called Western Brands to start a shoe company that eventually became known as Crocs, Inc. Boedecker was the sole investor, near sighted visionary and owner of the company of this new gay brand of foot wear. In September of 2002, Western Brands obtained the rights to the name Crocs.com in order to attract internet attention from obviously gay people who too wanted to wear cocks as a sort of SIGN OF THE FISH symbol to display their homo-sexuality overtly yet covertly.

Anthony H. Kruse and Sandstone Ventures, LLC

In October of 2002, Anthony H. Kruse and Sandstone Ventures, LLC invested additional money and joined Boedecker as co owners of Crocs. On that same date, Boedecker hired Blake Anderson, Scott Seamans, Ronald Oliver, George Foti, and Lyndon Victor Hanson III who entered into employment agreements where they could earn a non-voting, profit sharing interest if they continued their employment of these ridiculously gay invoking shoes. What does all this mean you ask? It means that these guys actually put up money and effort for this cankle loving shoes. After unparalleled success into the non-hetero pop culture, George B. Boedecker, Jr. amicably resigned as chief executive officer and from the Crocs Board of Directors to pursue philanthropic activities and other business interests including the distributorship of Crocs in Mexico, Cuba, the Dominican Republic and other countries who have aspiring gay populations worldwide.

Crocs Are Shit

Not to go unnoticed but even the word Croc can identity the true nature of the products. Shit. Crocs are cheaply made and even more so cheaply worn. Crocs are the kind of foot wear that you wear to show popular culture what not to do. Crocs sometimes will give you headaches because so many people start staring at you in stupidity for having worn them out that day. Also, if you only wear your Crocs in the closet, this will only prove theory of how gay they truly are. More specifically, it doesn’t matter how comfortable one claims them to be, the true nature of the shoes makes you look like a dumb ass. If you want to rebel against your father, then wear crocs, your parents will pay you not to be gay and have children later in life.

The Crocs Beach

Originally intended as a boating/outdoor shoe because of its slip-resistant, non-marking sole, Crocs introduced its first model, the Crocs Beach, in November 2002 at the Ft. Lauderdale Boat Show, selling out the 200 pairs produced at that time. This was also Pride week at Ft. Lauderdale and this has been suggested as the misnomer catalyst of pushing this ridiculous brand of shoe to the open markets. As of 2007, the product line has remained popular, indicated by high sales growth, and has the characteristics of a sustained fad, with both ardent support from people typically residing in the Castro district of San Francisco.

Lesbians Love Crocs

Crocs has been the title Sponsor of the Association of Volleyball Professionals (AVP) Tour since 2006 and a shit ton of Women’s sports. Women’s sports in particular for their lack of ability to generate substantial sponsors to host and support women’s athletics’ for lack of interest (save tennis). Crocs was more than willing to support women’s athletics due also to its over abundance population of lesbians who also play sports, who also wear crocs and who also think gender should be special and equal at the expense of equality for all.

Crocs Caught In Escalator

Shoes such as Crocs and flip-flops came under scrutiny in 2006 when children suffered injuries after the shoes became caught in escalator mechanisms of child molester’s mouths. This was due to the softness of the shoe's material combined with the relatively smaller size of children's feet, which is a huge turn on for most child predators according to Chris Hansen of Daterapeline MSNBC To Catch A Predator. More over, Hansen emphasized that the fruity colors and shapely holes combined with a young child's feet sends a potential child predator over the edge to commit an offense to harm a child. If you see a man watching a child wearing Crocs, you then know to pick up a tire iron and beat his hip bone to the ground. It has been argued that Crocs do serve a purpose in revealing the locations of child predators.

Rapid City Regional Hospital

Rapid City Regional Hospital in Rapid City, South Dakota changed its dress code in 2007 to prohibit the sandal variants, along with those with Jibbitz holes, citing safety concerns, but still allowed closed-top "Professional" and the health care focused "Rx" Crocs to be worn. (We know what kind of nurses work in that hospital, aye governor?) Other hospitals soon began to flow suit due to the fact that hospitals nation wide started to turn into gay bath houses. Crocs soon was then recognized as the “Gay Bath Houses of the 2,000’s for many many many gay men”. Blekinge hospital in Sweden has banned the wearing of "Foppatoffels" (Swedish nickname derived from the owner of the company that imports the shoes, Peter "Foppa" Forsberg) by hospital staff, due to the concern that the shoes may build up static electricity and thus interfere with electronic equipment and the personal sanity of people with fashion sense.

Please Hate Crocs

Crocs are involved in popular culture around the world. However, according to popular culture, the trend failed to describe the types of people who are associated with Crocs. These people are typically huge douche bags, unpopular fraternity guys (like guys who were in a lame fraternity), gay (generic gay), gay (homosexual gay), lazy, victims of hurricanes (mass produce cheap foot wear for relief), guys who are over 30 years of age who play 5 hours worth a video games a day, child predators, loser bosses, weirdos from Edenton North Carolina, anyone who thinks global warming is not a man made money making hoax, and feminists who are not gay.

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