Fellas, we all know there are good Women out there. Some of us have been lucky to find them, others have not. But all of us know the horror stories from our pasts - the crazy ones, the cheaters, the gold-diggers, and so on. So presented here, for your perusal...the first attempt at categorizing these nightmarish creatures... It's Guy Code's 'Tang List Top 25 1. Protang - The quintessential female player. More aggressive than you or your friends on a GOOD night. Watch out, because she's sure to have a couple of dudes in the hopper. Probably right after YOUR date with her. 2. Intellitang - Mensa would be proud of these high I.Q. ladies, likely to be sporting some horn-rimmed eyewear. When they say they prefer a good book, they mean it. Could be eye candy...but then again so could a Sears catalog. 3. Universitang (or, Collegitang) - Those coeds that root for the alma mater. Siss-Boom-Bah!!! Go team...no really, the WHOLE team!!!! 4. Corporotang - These mammary endowed humans have blessed the ranks of the business world. Watch out for that woman in a suit, cause it could lead to a harassment suit! 5. Urbanitang - Catch any of these gals strutting their stuff in the metropolitan areas of the world with an overpriced cup of java. Their indie 'zine is way hotter than yours. Oh and that B&W mural on the wall? It's hers...and it's for sale. 6. Countritang - Inhabiting the rural areas of life, catch any one of
these women sporting overalls, cowboy boots, and snuff between the cheek and gum. Bull-riding? DAMN SKIPPY! NASCAR? It's a religion baby! Yee haw!!! 7. Sapphotang - Although highly courted, these same- Sex-minded women are a tough catch. Lesser men have tried and failed, and so will you. 8. Impossitang - Even though she dangles the bait, this piece of punani you'll never get. Quit trying!!! (warning: sometimes masquerades as sapphotang in the club to get drinks...don't be fooled!) 9. Athletitang - Straight from the soccer field or the tennis court, these physically endowed babes are guaranteed to give you a work out. Once they decide to shower, anyway. 10. Latinotang - These chicas are rich with hispanic culture and tradition. And you better just be rich too, cause these girls come to play. Arriba! 11. Eurotang - French, English, Russian...they all fall into this colorful category of broads. The accent screams "action," but all your bar tab will spell is B.R.O.K.E.! 12. Geishatang - Fresh from Far East, these women of the orient have mastered the martial art of seduction. Like latino-tang, prepare your credit cards for obliteration (and bring some earplugs)! 13. Sudanitang - These are our honeys that come from the "Motherland". Be forewarned, they may wear the pants in the family! DERKA DERKA! 14. Teentang - Like the Winger song, she's ONLY seventeen...if you're lucky! Make sure you card these underage girlies, or you might end up like R. Kelly! 15. Psychotang - These Bettys are poppin' Lithium and Zoloft at every
turn. The sex will be insane, but steer clear in the long-run, or you may be six feet under in the short-run. 16. Artistitang - These creatively minded females are sure to inspire you
with their bardic lyrics or impressionistic paintings. (Caution: Artistitang can have subliminal traces of psychotang.) 17. Activistang - members of Peta, NOW, and Greenpeace who's carnal desires errupt after a good protest. Whether saving the planet, or, espousing Feminist values this bizzo is sure to create a stir in the relationship. So keep some bail money handy for those "peaceful protests" and prepare to recycle everything from your Gatorade bottles to used condom wrappers! 18. Catholitang/Baptistang (we're all going to hell for this one) - almost a contradiction in terms, this Lord-lovin' hottie is so ridiculous you'll be drooling holy water. But be aware - you won't see any action until
rapture. ;) Trust us, you'd have better luck with Mary Magdalene... 19. Alternatang - Piercings, hair dye, flannel and freaky-deaky abound
with this young lovely. Like her cousin Intellitang, she's often spotted
wearing horn-rimmed glasses (because she KNOWS you like it, SLAVE!) She likes her PBR on the rocks, and her music so underground you'll be praying for Bon Jovi by the end of the night. 20. Co-workatang - not to be confused with Corporotang, co-workatang is
that young lovely in tight bell-bottoms who sits in the next cube. You know, the one you'll be showing your "OH" face to after the Christmas party...but beware of your boss, who also wants a piece of co-workatang. And he'll invoke the little-known, seldom-used "no-intra-office dating" clause to make sure he gets it! KOBE!!!! 21. Desperatang - this girl is definitely, ummmm...larger than life! She'll do ANYTHING (because ordinarily, she can't get ANYTHING), and she's going to make sure you know it, right up until last call. We recommend you have your "goggles" on for this one, because it's going to be long night...in a BIG way... 22. Polyamoratang - this one loves us all! she's girl-next-door cute, and that's how she gets you! she tells you you're the only one, but watch out for Exboyfrienderus Extremus, who flies in from out of nowhere to buy her drinks and tell her how much he misses her. Before you know it, baby's off like a prom dress! A Grade-A Jimmy Hat Alert!!! 23. Dramatang - with this one, you've got front row seats to the WORST
show in town. As much as she claims she doesn't like trouble, it follows her wherever she goes. And she'll make sure you're right there with her when it does - to come to her rescue. Bottom line: you'll only get some at intermission, and after that, EXIT STAGE LEFT!!! 24. Servitang - bartenders and waitresses who by their late 20's have never
had a true 9 to 5. They constantly complain about their financial situation and working a double shifts two days in a row. Don't be fooled, however...be the one who KNOWS that the tip money goes straight up their NOSE! 25. Agendatang - Lists get them hot, calendars make them scream, and obedience is their mantra! These cuties will take you along for a fun ride but once you stray outside their predetermined set of requirements (i.e. professional or social status) you'll quickly be single again buying drinks for one of the aforementioned types of 'tang. The Tang List Summary
Now that you have this list, we hope that you too will recognize these crazies BEFORE you dive in headfirst. We know we've probably missed a few...so help out your fellow man and submit some of your own! Knowledge is the only weapon we've got!
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