Sexually Transmitted Disease

 You seem to be a happy guy but pussy is treacherously everywhere. A man can not go 10 seconds (if chicks are around) without thinking of banging. When you are happy with your relationship but maybe a little bored, these thoughts tend to pop into your head. You begin to contemplate the Sex before you do about how you will get away with it. This is when guys get into trouble. Before cheating, a man must set his table first by going over the bill of fair before he instinctual sticks his fire poker into the smoky chimney.

So most likely you have a girlfriend and you are happy with her. However, there will be times (if there aren't already) where a woman will come on to you in the worst way. Obviously what do you do? She is throwing sex at you so should you pick it up? Wait, isn't this the girl that your roommate banged 3 weeks ago? Probably, who cares, she's a slut and just wants to bang. Well, she probably has a voodoo curse just waiting to posses your penis.

  No one wants to contract an STD but if you do you are hoping that it is bacterial. A bacterial STD is one that will go or with treatments. In other words, you got your penis dirty and some germs grew on it. Whats good about germs? They can be killed with antibiotics. So saddle up and go to the doctor to get it taken care of and get ready to bang again. However a viral STD is basically a social network killer and your life is over (in my opinion). If I have offended any Guy Coders with hitch hikers on their penises it is your own damn fault. If you did not already know, a viral STD is with you for life and you have to stare at if for the rest of your life.

The bad part about STD's is that most likely you gave it to your girlfriend when you cheated on her. On a personally level, I am so paranoid about STD's that I only cheat with inter-net porn. I have a phobia about some strumpet giving my penis a permanent black eye. More over, I would also feel terrible for passing it on to my girlfriend. Of course, my girlfriend hears this and gets mad at me because the only reason I'm not cheating is because I don't want to contract and STD not because I Love her. I mean don't the means justify the ends? I'm not cheating so that should be good enough right? Not to a woman. Oh well.

Guys listen up. I will be the first person to tell you how great getting laid is. However if you are tied down in a relationship and just want to taste desert poo you better wrap it up. More over, just because you wrap it up doesn't mean you ain't gonna get something. You better tuck you balls in your boxers and do not let her give you unprotected head. I'm telling you, herpes can spread from her mouth or even when you are wearing a condom because your balls touched her vagina. The best way to have protected sex is to wrap yourself in plastic and dry hump her. I'm kidding. Get the bitch to give you health papers then use a condom.

I know, I know but you really want to bang. Well hey go get tested and produce your papers to the brods who are down to bang. If they can show you their papers then bless you both. I'm just trying to look out for your best friend since I am the maven of dick defenders. Oh and check the date on those papers and make sure its not over 30 days old. Even if it is she still could have something considering she probably banged 7 guys after she got tested. I know, I'm not making this easy for you. Wear a rubber and keep your boys tucked in your boxers. Good luck but think about it. 

Types of STDS

Bacterial

Chlamydia- Chlamydia is the number one sexually transmitted disease in the United States. Chlamydia is caused by the bacterium, Chlamydia trachomatis, which can damage a woman's reproductive organs. Even though symptoms of chlamydia are usually mild or absent, serious complications that cause irreversible damage, including infertility, can occur "silently" before a woman ever recognizes a problem. Chlamydia also can cause discharge from the penis of an infected man.

How do you get chlamydia?

Chlamydia can be transmitted during vaginal, anal, or oral sex. Chlamydia can also be passed from an infected mother to her baby during vaginal childbirth.

Any sexually active person can be infected with chlamydia. The greater the number of sex partners, the greater the risk of infection. Because the cervix (opening to the uterus) of teenage girls and young Women is not fully matured, they are at particularly high risk for infection if sexually active. Since chlamydia can be transmitted by oral or anal sex, men who have sex with men are also at risk for chlamydial infection.

Gonorrhea- You piss out razor blades but you can get it fixed and it will go away. Puss and shit come out your dick hole. It's gross. 

Syphilis- This shit will kill your body if you do not get it treated. IT was argued whether or not syhilis was a new world disease or an old world disease. Doesn't matter, get the shit treated.

Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)- This is just a pain in the ass. However, it can be treated.

Viral

You pretty much are fucked at this point. Was it worth not wearing a condom? No. You are now forever changed. This doesn't mean you go around like Telly from KIDS and bang girls without telling them you have something. Why? Because you could give it to another guy aka man bro. That simply is just fucked up. We will tract you down, take you deep sea fishing, use chum to attract sharks, cut your femoral artery and toss you in the fucking ocean.

  
Herpes- Herpes is the worst. Bascailly blisters break out all over your penis. They hurt like shit and make you feel terrible. Girls will be able to tell you have herpes with when you have a break out. Did you know 1 in 5 people have herpes? Wrap it the fuck up.

  
Genital Warts- Warts sucks but you can have them removed. However, you still will pass them on to chicks via that to other guys. Not cool. 
    
Hepatitis B- Who cares.
    
Hepatitis C Virus (HCV)- Slow death.

 
HIV/Aids- Ummm, you are going to die.

Parasitic

This is no big deal but still gross. Go to the docotor and he will write you a script and it will be smooth sailing from there.

Trichomonas- lice. Big whoop.