Big Hat No Cattle

For all you guys who don’t care about sexually pleasing a woman “big hat, no cattle” refers to you. This was a criticism I heard a girl use to describe an inadequate sexual experience she had. But not with me, it was with this guy I know, him and her got it on whooooo weeeee! At the time I had not heard that cliché so I asked her what she meant by it. She said, “It’s when a guy brags about how good he is in bed but it turns out to be all talk in cheap suit”. Then it came to me. I asked her, “Did he enjoy himself?” She said, “Obviously, he’s the only one that got off”. I then asked, “So I guess it was worth it for him then huh?” She responded reluctantly, “Yeah… I guess so”. Exactly, and that's the point.

When a guy is searching for the quick in and out, then why the hell does he care about leaving a lasting impression on some random skank tank? He doesn’t. First of all, he’s not going to just go down on some easy peezy skeezy, he’s just going to scabbard his man saber and ram it in there like that guy did Roller Girl in the limousine scene in Boogie Nights. It’s quick, clean and no room for error getting too affectionate with a girl you wouldn’t date in real life, so who cares if you’re big hat, no cattle, you're still getting laid.

Girls have to be careful about just randomly hooking up with a guy, especially if they are just coming out of a long relationship. Most of the time when a woman randomly hooks up with a guy he turns out to be a complete let down, let alone a loser. But hey, that’s what Women are most comfortable with these days aren't they? She would be better off calling a professional stud service instead of trusting a guy’s word that he is Balls out Natalie in the sack. Typically, girls have to be comfortable not only with themselves but with the guy they sleep with in order to get off. A guy on the other hand is going to get off no matter what just as long as the girl lays there as nature intended.

If the girl's ex boyfriend is in fact “ big hat and herds of Texas Longhorns” then she will hate him even when she has random 1-800-YOURE-NOT-GOING-TO-CUM Sex with a complete stranger. It just goes to show a girl can’t be as cavalier with her sex life the way a guy can after a break up. Most girls worry about the number of guys they sleep with and want to keep their numbers low by dating a sure thing. But what are the odds of randomly hooking up with a sure thing? That's why girls go hog wild after a break up. They have to go through about 7 guys before they can remotely have sex resembling their ex boyfriends Texas Longhorn style!

Guys are always guilty of big promises when it comes to sex. They often talk a big game but they have no rifle to hunt with. Maybe women should take a little more time to invest in getting to know a guy and see what he is really packing before she goes camping and pitches his tent. Guy Code dictates that men will say anything to seal the deal and girls coming out of long relationships will always fall for it. Guys always come out on top during random hook up sex and the girls come out with skeet on their faces. It’s a sad business but unless you are a Smoking Gun you will often run into guys who are all hat no cattle and that’s just fine with them because business is GOOD!