 |
| |
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| |
|
| | | Get Out of the Way Jude Law, Here's The Real Alfie! When young Alfie Patten found out that having Sex can lead to pregnancy he just responded, “It felt really good mate so I put it in”. These young myrmidon teen parents were now faced with a pregnancy and were totally against abortion. If Alfie’s father explained to him how this abortion could fix the problem and that he could go on banging more harlot spoils, you bet his bollix to a barn dance he would have done it! Instead Alfie and his baby's momma momma baby's momma Chantalle Steadmen are parents by default of nature.
Alfie, who is just 4ft tall, told reporters, “When my mum found out, I thought I was going to get in trouble so I shat my pants and pretended to forget who I was for 20 minutes”. Alfie did not take into consideration how people closest to him would react about the pregnancy. “I didn’t know what it would be like to be a dad and I still don’t” but what the hell does he know, I play Call of Duty with an Xbox score of 30,000 experience points". I will be good, though, and care for it because the government pays for stupid mistakes like this.” Young Alfie doesn’t yet realize that this "it" is in fact a baby girl and that having babies when you can't afford them is the reason for this global economic downfall according to Jonathan Swifts book "A Modest Proposal". Oh well, I’m sure he will be responsible being 13 and all.
Alfie’s dad Dennis (derelict) told how the lad does not really understand the enormity of his situation but seemed desperate to be a devoted and responsible father. Maisie his baby girl was conceived after Chantelle and Alfie banged for the first time in a fleeting orgasmic moment of unprotected sex. It always happens that way. You plug your joy stick into the ultimate Xbox of ecstasy and it summons the power of Grey Skull to launch the Peter North of potent fertility into the caverns of muffdum. Next thing you know Chantalle was fatter than normal and Alfie was asking questions.
Chantelle told how she discovered she was expecting after going to her OBGYN with “really bad” stomach pains that resembled the after effects of a night of extreme fajitas. She said, “I went to the doctor and he said it sounded like I was preggars". I said I had sex for the first time (with Alfie, wink wink) and was instructed to take the pregnancy test. He did the test and said I was pregnant. I started crying and didn’t know what to do. “He said I should tell my "mum" (mother) but I was too scared. “We didn’t think we would need help from our parents because we were already being supported by socialized medicine from the state. You don’t really think about contributing to society but rather just hav sex so you can get on the government tit much like how my little girl Maisie gets on mine for free.
The parents of the two fornicating youths found out about the baby when Chantelle was 12 weeks pregnant. However, Alfie and Chantelle kept it a secret until six weeks later when Chantelle’s "mum" (means mother) Penny, 38, became suspicious about her weight gain and confronted her. She was becoming fatter than she already was but the weight actually caused symmetry to the rest of her body to match the size of her head. Chantelle gave birth to Maisie on Monday night after a five-hour labor at Eastbourne Hospital, East Sussex. Last night she told The Sun tabloid, “I’m tired after the birth is it suppose to feel like a 3 night shit?" I was nervous after going into labor but otherwise I was quite excited to know socialized medicine would pay for everything and decent parents who work will struggle to support their families". | | | | | | I’ll be a great mum and Alfie will be a great dad Baby-faced Alfie, who is 13 but looks more like eight, became a father days after his 15 year hook up buddy Chantelle Steadman gave birth to 7lb 3oz Maisie Roxanne. He wanted to be the first to hold Maisie after the hospital birth so he could get a start on filling out those forms for free medical care. He tenderly kisses the baby and gives her a bottle which was also paid for by the state which means people who actually work. And Dennis his derelict father of 45, said, “He could have shrugged his shoulders and sat at home on his Playstation but he has been at the hospital every day holding his beautful mistake.” | | | | | | Chantelle Steadmen 15 Year Old Mother Chantelle and Maisie were released from hospital and began the transition of motherhood living at home in the basement. They are living with Penny, Chantelle’s jobless dad Steve, 43, and her five brothers in a rented council house in Eastbourne paid for by the state of course. The whole family lives on benefits as socialism tends to encourage. Alfie, who lives on an estate across town with "mum" (British word for mom) Nicola, 43, spends most of his time at the Steadmans’ house taking care of his baby girl and trying to get a little rod action. He is allowed to stay overnight and even has a school uniform there so he can go straight to his classes in the morning. How cute is that irresponsibility? |
|
|
|
