I Get Babes

My friend called me up for lunch the other day to enjoy a delicious 5 dollar foot long sub from Subway when I stumbled upon a unique yet obvious life philosophy. When I arrived to pick him up he came out of his apartment wearing a dirty college t-shirt (UNC), a scarf, a ragged ass pair of skater shoes, cow licked hair and breath that could peel the paint off the space shuttle. I just shook my head and laughed and possibly even LULED a bit, you would too if you knew this guy. When we went into Subway I noticed some cute college girls sitting in the corner enjoying a 5 dollar foot long. My friend looked over and said, "babes" I realizing how he looked said, "yea right pig pin" but boy was I wrong.
 
I being respectably dressed on my lunch break look over and smile and I got nothing. Not even a courteous smile or a head nod back to acknowledge that I was a clean looking tax paying citizen. I of course thought to myself, “whatever bitch you’re a skank anyway” as men tend to do when they don't get the recognition they desire from a brod. However my euro trash looking friend looks smiles as his butt blistering breathe pushes past his teeth and they all look in unison and smile back. I stood there with my mouth dropped for about 10 seconds just pondering how swamp thing could get the gals while I look like a schmuck in the forest playing with Henry Thoreau.

At that point I asked him, "How the hell are these chicks checking you out when you look like Abraham Lincolns dick?" He said, "It's all psychological" and began eating his delicious 5 dollar foot long sub. I of course was waiting for him to finish but it already looked like he had forgotten because that's the kind of guy he is. So I asked him again, "Ok, explain why looking like a lumber jacks excrement gets you eye balled by those chicks? After he took a drink from his complimentary cup of water provided at no additional charge by the Subway employee he said, "When I dress up, clean up, comb my hair, wear nice clothes and look GQ I get nothing". "When I roll out of bed and show up to wherever I'm going with dirty hair, dirty clothes and bad breathe, Babes".

I just started laughing and replayed what he said over and over again in my head just for the lulz. I mean I can understand how being a prick can get you chicks but looking like a dirty, lazy ragamuffin just blew my mind. Now I am not suggesting any guy go out to bars looking like Charlie Murphy’s grill piece  but more or less just not giving a shit. My friend could care less what people think about him and he thinks standing on ceremony for random strangers is a waste of time. If I had to come up with an explanation as to why he scores, I would say he gets what he wants by not thinking about it or wanting anything to begin with. I think the lesson is that all guys should try to escape the expectations of random bitches who probably suck anyway but not caring. However, at least brush your damn fangs from time to time.