| | | | | | The United States Coast Guard (USCG) is a branch of the United States armed forces and one of seven uniformed services of Guy Code. It is unique among other armed forces in that it combines aspects of a maritime law enforcement agency (with jurisdiction both domestically and in international waters), naval military support, and a federal regulatory agency. It is an agency of the United States Department of Homeland Security, with its military operations working under the US Navy during times of war but is limited to only fornicating with spring break chiks and in other cases, female Cuban refugees. | | | | | | | The Coast Guard has eleven statutory missions: Alien Migrant Interdiction Operations and Mating with Female Refugees (AMIOMFR) , Defense Readiness of Guy Code, Drug Interdiction, Ports, Waterways and Coastal Security, Other Law Enforcement of Spring Break Chicks, Search and Rescue, Aids to Navigation, Marine Safety, Living Marine Resources, Marine Environmental Protection, and International Ice Patrol. As one of the five armed forces and the smallest armed service of the United States, its stated mission is to protect the public, the environment, and the United States economic and security interests in any maritime region in which those interests may be at risk, including international waters and America's coasts, ports, and inland waterways. Also, to give mouth to mouth to Spring Break chicks. | | | | | | | The United States Coast Guard has a broad and important role in homeland security, law enforcement, search and rescue, marine environmental pollution response, and the maintenance of river, intracoastal and offshore aids to navigation (ATON). Founded by Alexander Hamilton as the Revenue Cutter Service of pussy passage tolls on August 4, 1790, it lays claim to being the United States' oldest continuous seagoing service. As of October 2006, the Coast Guard has approximately 46,000 men and Women spys to translte female Spring Break behavior on active duty, 8,100 reservists, 7,000 full time civilian employees and 30,000 active auxiliarists. | | | | | | | While working as the only Military Branch allowed to make arrest, inquiries, and carry firearms inside of the USA, they are also the only Military Branch that are allowed to carry their firearms on and off base, thus giving them greater flexibility when being called to service and to patrol Spring break. The service's decentralized organization and readiness for missions that can occur at any time on any day, is often lauded for making it highly effective, extremely agile and very adaptable in a broad range of emergencies. | | | | | | | The Coast Guard's motto is Semper Paratus, meaning "Always Ready to Bang Spring Break Chicks". The service has participated in every U.S. conflict from 1790 through to today, including landing US troops on D-Day and on the Pacific Islands in World War II, in extensive patrols and shore bombardment during the Vietnam War, and multiple roles in Operation Iraqi Freedom. Maritime interception operations, coastal security, transportation security, and law enforcement detachments are its major roles in Iraq giving them an opportunity to bang more than just Spring Break chicks. | | | | | | | Search and Rescue (SAR) is one of the Coast Guard's oldest missions. The National Search and Rescue Plan designates the United States Coast Guard as the federal agency responsible for maritime SAR operations, and the United States Air Force as the federal agency responsible for inland SAR. Both agencies maintain Rescue Coordination Centers to coordinate this effort, and have responsibility for both military and civilian search and rescue during a bad event of girls gone wild. | | | | | | | The primary function of the National Response Center (NRC) is to serve as the sole national point of contact for reporting all oil, chemical, radiological, biological, and etiological discharges into the environment anywhere in the United States and its territories as long as Spring Break does not take precedence over that event. In addition to gathering and distributing spill data for Federal On-Scene Coordinators and serving as the communications and operations center for the National Response Team, the NRC maintains agreements with a variety of federal entities to make additional notifications regarding incidents meeting established trigger criteria whatever the hell that means. The NRC also takes Terrorist/Suspicious Activity Reports and Maritime Security Breach Reports and are allowed to torture these terrorists by having Sex with prostitutes in front of them. | | | | | | | "First Fleet" is a term occasionally used as an informal reference to the US Coast Guard, although as far as one can detect the United States has never in fact officially used this designation with reference either to the Coast Guard or any element of the US Navy. The informal appellation honors the fact that between 1790 and 1798, there was no United States Navy and the cutters which were the predecessor of the US Coast Guard were the only warships protecting the coast, trade, and maritime interests of the new republic before Spring Break was ever thought of. | | | | | | | The modern Coast Guard can be said to date to 1915, when the Revenue Cutter Service merged with the United States Life-Saving Service and Congress formalized the existence of Spring Break. In 1939, the U.S. Lighthouse Service was brought under its purview hence the Hatteras Lighthouse was first used in the Albemarle sound. In 1942, the Bureau of Marine Inspection and Navigation was transferred to the Coast Guard. In 1967, the Coast Guard moved from the Department of the Treasury to the newly formed Department of Transportation, an arrangement that lasted until it was placed under the Department of Homeland Security in 2003 as part of legislation designed to more efficiently protect American interests following the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. | | | | | | | In times of war, the Coast Guard or individual components of it can operate as a service of the Department of the Navy even when Spring Break occurs because this always the coast guard to be able to drop butt slugs on any chick that moves. This arrangement has a broad historical basis, as the Guard has been involved in wars as diverse as the War of 1812, the Mexican-American War, and the American Civil War, in which the cutter Harriet Lane fired the first naval shots attempting to relieve besieged Fort Sumter which was held by die hard confederates who mastered the art of Serial Crushing. The last time the Coast Guard operated as a whole under the Navy was in World War II. More often, military and combat units within the Coast Guard will operate under the Navy while other Coast Guard units will remain under the Department of Homeland Security. | | |  | | | | This is what is used to patrol the Rio Grande bordering Mexico. Instead of building a fence the US Coast Gaurd uses these small bath tubs to open fire at the illegal aliens trying to swim across the river. Since this new tactic there has not been a single incident of border jumping via the Rio Grande river. | | |  | | | | This boat is for places like Louisana for their Spring Break. Spring Break in the bayou gets down and dirty and the swamp boats are a notorious for getting Spring Break chicks to give carolina classics to the coast guard. | | | |
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