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Hollywood Celebrities & Guy Code

Some of the biggest advocates of Guy Code are Hollywood celebrities or anyone having to do with getting face time on the news. If you are famous then you are a celebrity.



AL GORE SEX SCANDAL ACCUSER STRIKES AGAIN E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 Al Gore is not out of the woods yet. His massage therapist has not only come forward but details that Al Gore CAME too! Molly Hagerty the late night massage therapist has come forward with allege DNA evidence of Al Gore. The National Enquirer has the exclusive interview with the MANBEARPIG sexual harassment accuser. It just keeps getting better and better! Come on Al if it were happening to someone else you'd be laughing your global warming ass off too!

 
Linda Hogan Engaged to Child douche bag Charlie Hill E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

linda hogan charlie hill engaged I guess the Cougar thing is being taken to a level out of its original design. Linda Hogan the former wife of Hulk Hogan aka Thunder Lip's of two and a half decades, is engaged to 21-year-old boyfriend Charlie "Duh" Hill. Charlie will be stepfather to Brooke Hogan, who is one year his elder (sounds like a bad porno). Linda's husband to be was her derelicts son Nick's friend before this whole relationship started. Linda and Charlie began dating / fornicating when Charlie was only 19 when the American Pie movie was still popular. The two will reportedly wed next summer, aboard Linda's new yacht, named 'Alimoney' (that's hilarious).

 
Al Gore Accused by 2 other Massage Therapists E-mail
Written by The Elder   

al gore shaking his finger  He's done it again! Al Gore's obession with Run of the Mill massage therapists has come out of the wood work. The ENQUIRER reports in an exclusive bombshell exclusive that police have investigated charges from TWO MORE female massage therapists who claimed they were abused by former Vice President AL GORE!

 
Al Gore Cheats on wife Tipper! E-mail
Written by The Elder   

al and tipper gore kissing Well well well, MANBEARPIG moves on to more than just global warming but global home wrecking! That's right, Al Gore has cheated on his wife Tipper! Who the balls could have called this? No one. I am in complete chock and awe. However, I will be the first to say that Gore is probably the leading candidate for Guy Codes 2010 man of the year, but its only June, who knows who will strike next!

 
Alexis Neiers Speaks out about Lindsay Lohan E-mail
Written by The Elder   

alexis Neiers sentencedAccording to jail officials, Alexis Neiers, (the twit of no real fame but has an adopted sister with huge boobs that got them a reality show) who gained wide attention during the bling ring scheme, served not even 50 days in a jail after robbing Orlando Blooms condo. However, Neiers was Lohan's jail mate and has some inside news about fellow jail mate Lindsay Lohan.

 
Amy Winehouse E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Amy Winehouse has come on the scene without hint or worry for what she truly was about. Her classic yet retro bee hive hair do combined with her powerful soul diva voice has jumped on the the billboard hits before anyone could realize how unstable she was. She is the 1980's Robert Downey Jr. of pop blues music. The following article will show Winehouse's pure skank-taculous transformation to a tabloid wet dream of junkie exposure.

 
Anne Coulter Mobbed in Canada E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

ann coulter bound and gagged The man woman Anne Coulter threatened to be mobbed at Canadian University. Apparently she went to a country that was not America and expected a bunch of Canucks to listen to her. Students at the University of Ottawa prevented Ann Coulter from giving a speech Tuesday night, the American conservative writer said it proved the point she came to make free speech in Canada leaves much to be desired. You know its funny, I typically don't go places where people hate me but if you have the right to then so be it. I remember when you used to be able to do that in the United States.

 
Big Love E-mail
Written by Resident Know-it-all   

Bill Hendrickson with three wives

In a flourishing spot of Utah, Bill Hendrickson has it all. This guy juggles three wives and we thought just one was enough of a headache. Give it to Bill to carry on his day to day and having the stamina to please these three. We have to admit, this is just a regular series on HBO. Bill has stepped into the Guy Code realm as he talks to us about which girl he plans to sleep with tonight. He explains that he has to be fair to all Women to keep them happy. As if it isn't enough hard work to keep just one happy. Three wives creates an elevated amount of drama in his life. Keep that Avapro handy Bill, you just might need it!

 
Bill OReilly Falsely Accused E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Bill O'Reilly's sexual harassment lawsuit explained and his fat accuser explored. O'Reilly nevertheless let men down when he broke the bond of Guy Code by paying off the expired Ruby Tuesday's coupons McFatterson and should have just denied everything. Oh well, we still have to rag them both so we shall.

 
Bristol Palin Engaged To Levi Johnston E-mail
Written by The Elder   
bristol palin engagedBristol Palin was worried about how she was going to tell her mother that she’s engaged to marry Levi Johnston, the father of her 18-month-old son. You know the same guy who humiliated Sarah Palin during and after her vice presidential campaign. I guess Bristol is just as dumb as Levi was treating her when he abandoned her in 2009. I guess its true, if you treat a woman like a second hand rescue dog she will always welcome you back with her tail wagging.
 
Captain Phil Harris Deadilest Catch Dies E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

phill harris deadilest catchPhil Harris crab captain of the fishing vessel Cornelia Marie has passed away.The Discovery Channel's documentary reality TV series Deadliest Catch finally released his last episode. He suffered a massive stroke while offloading crab in port at Saint Paul Island, Alaska on January 29, 2010. Despite improvements in his health, Phil died suddenly and very unexpectedly on February 9, 2010 while in the hospital at age 53.

 
Celebrity Advocates of Guy Code E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Celebrity advocates are basically any guy famous that is in the news who is obviously a ladies man. As trends tend to be, Guy Code has taken off from a sub culture stature to now being recognized almost as a religion as it matters to the bachelor life style of men and those men who never grow up. Male celebrities are now openly admitting that they practice Guy Code because it increases their following and also gets the groupie chicks to their pussy pads. mp3 player

 
Chris Brown Beats Rihanna at Grammys E-mail
Written by The Elder   

chris brown whoop that trickI guess a woman is not immune from getting dealt with even at the Grammy Awards! Chris Brown an R&B star had to set the answering machine right in the mouth of girlfriend Rihanna for not giving him his share for his services. Rihanna was accused of not giving Brown his pimp dues and she got the pimp hand right across her face.

 
Chuck Norris and Guy Code E-mail
Written by The Elder   
Chuck Norris is the embodiment of Guy Code and his fists are it's chariot. Norris's life story was shaped and molded by Guy Code and all it's glory. If you thought Mother Teresa had it hard growing up, you must read about Chuck Norris. They say if you spell Chuck Norris's name in scrabble, you win forever.
 
CNN Reporter Susan Roesgen Would Get It E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

CNN Reporter Susan Roesgen I have always wanted to bang Susan Roesgen back when she was on KATV-TV Channel 7 in Little Rock Arkansas. Recently Roesgen came on the scene basically out of no where when she made a ovary out of herself during the symbolic "Boston Tea Party" demonstrations that took place on 04/15/09. She made the classic mistake of trying to have a political dialogue with a man that ended with her resorting to emotional banter and confused gender inadequacies. The real story is that most men out there would Love to "TEA BAG Susan" Roesgen!

 
Dave Ramsey Braveheart hipocrite Filed Bankruptcy E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 brave ramseyThinking about bankruptcy? I bet you're thinking that you'll just file bankruptcy and start over. You would be correct in assuming this. If you asked Dave Ramsey he would say, "bankruptcy is a life-changing event that causes lifelong damage." Of course he would say that. He's a chicken hawk who makes his money off people who are in debt and wanting to get out. So you buy his books, go to his seminars and listen to his radio program to get out of debt. However, Ramsey filed bankruptcy and he is now a millionaire so how the hell is this hypocrite get off telling you whats a terrible life changing experience? Looks like Dave is doing better than he deserves because you are paying him to do so. Bankruptcy is not that bad and it really is freedom in the making once you get discharged and stat your life over again.

 
Did Kelley Osbourne Have Plastic Surgery? E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

 fat kelley osbourneKelley Osbourne may not be attracting chubby chasers anymore! Apparently Kelley has worked out a lot! Like actually went around and did some serious cardio. Of course if this was true the paparazzi would have had pictures of her like they did her brother Jack when he lost all his weight. I guess she had some plastic surgery. Well, she denies it of course. What do you think?

 
Elizabeth Lambert Cat Fighting Soccer Star E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

elizabeth lambert soccer player Elizabeth Lambert is a sexy hard hitting soccer player who you couldn't trust your balls in the palm of her hand for all the toilets at a Bruce Springsteen concert. Throwing elbows, punching in the back, tripping, hair pulling, kicking into someone's face and sucker punches? Sounds like a typical scrum between young siblings. Well, in the 2009 MWN semifinal match between BYU and New Mexico, there was no lipstick, no perfume and no fingernail polish. There was, however, good old fashioned chick fighting.

 
Erin Esurance Scandal E-mail
Written by The Elder   

erin esurance hottie Erin Esurance is a fully hot spokes Women for Esurance and can be seen daily on the television. With her high kick action moves, along with her sexy winks and even sexier outfits, she has taken the place of Jessica Rabbit in the minds of most adolescent boys. However, we have done some digging and found out that Erin Esurance has a some skeletons in her closet that have finally caught up with her. Let's just say we found some scandalous photos of her when she was just starting out as a young aspiring actress looking to make it big any way she could. I was completely taken back by Erin's humble beginnings!

 
Full House's Stephanie Tanner E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   
Many of us grew up watching the hit television series Full House on Friday nights. When we think of Fullhouse now we think of the Olsen twins. Most of us had a count down clock on our computers of when the Olsen twins turned 18. I would like everyone to remember Jodie Sweetin, better known to us as Stephanie Tanner, who is as equally hot and memorable. I saw her on the Bob Saget Roast (hilarious) and was shocked to see how hot she is not to mention her CUP SIZE. I always had a thing for Stephanie Tanner growing up but being older and seeing how big her breasts are, I am re-living a childhood fantasy as a man who can do something about it now.
 
High Times And Micheal Phelps E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

 michaelphelps smokes pot

OMGAH! The world's greatest Olympic gold medalist all around swimmer throws entire career away by making the decision to take the pot! Apparently Phelps also holds the world record for gravity bong hits in South Carolina! All you mommies and daddies out there who think Phelps has ruined his career, you are moronically mistaken. Just take look at all those politicians who voted for the doomed stimulus package and got a raise for it! If Washington politicians can get away with screwing you blind, laughing about it, taking junkets (free trips that have nothing to do with work) on your taxes, Phelps will slam dunk this little controversy right in Kobe Byrant's face! Oh yeah, this is what famous people do!

 
Hollie Steele Britain's Got Talent Loses it E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

hollie steel  Hollie Steel cries after she is told she cannot perform again after she freezes up under pressure in front of millions of fans around the world. However, never doubt a woman's tears let alone the tears of a 10 year old girl. Of all people to take a stand during a moment of self collapse Simon Cowell runs to the rescue to the vulnerable yet adorable Hollie Steel.

 
I Would Bang ODB Jessica Kresa E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

jessica kresa odb bathing suit I no longer watch wrestling anymore because I can watch the UFC and have it be real. I was flipping the the channels the other day and saw this remorseless country girl named ODB (One Dirty Bitch) and she was interviewing a British wrestler who looks like a fag in a gladiator outfit.She was sitting with her legs open rubbing her crotch and drinking beer. Call me crazy but I wanted to bang that ass like it owed me money. I realize only a real man could bang this chick because she could probably beat up most men but I would attempt a flying Elbow smash from the top of the turn buckle to my king size bed.

 
Is Britney Spears Hot Again? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 Rumor has it that Britney Spears is hot again. I was skeptical having remembered her first album cover when I was in high school. She was fully hot. Then she procreated with a back up dancer and went straight down hill to the back woods of whiter trash. Are the rumors true? Yep, she is sexy again. check it out.

 
Jamie Lynn Spears Preggers? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

jamie lynn preggers You know after hearing this rumor of another Hollywood dunder box I am loving Clay Aiken more and more. At least Clay means well and is not some starved for attention fertile crescent of a swollen ovary. Good lord, she's done it again! Preggers II. Talk about being fertile. Why is it that all white trash can get pregnant simple by rubbing up against a would be sperm donor and then people with IQ's of 150 can't get pregnant? The simple answer? Nature needs a shit ton of ditch diggers that's why. Well, if she isn't pregnant, the article still makes sense.

 
Jessica Simpson Getting Fat? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

jessica simpson a fat ass Hot off the press, what the hell happened to Jessica Simpson? It looks like Tanya Harding kidnapped her and forced Hostess cupcakes down her throat! She is blowing up and I don't mean the music charts! I am almost disillusioned by this turn of events and am hoping its just a bad camera angle but more images have surfaced confirming Jessica's early symptoms of tank ass.

 
Joaquin Phoenix Interview E-mail
Written by The Elder   

joaquin phoenix Joaquin Phoenix apparently has gone off the deep end or rather he thought he was diving into the the deep end but it was in fact the shallow end of the pool. In other words he's gone effing crazy. Much like a barracuda does when you put him in a 4 foot glass fish tank. Anyway, we had to get to the bottom of why a great and talented artist such as Joaquin Phoenix completely threw it all away.

 
Kentucky Lightning E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Kentucky Lightning has come to the ranks as being a hook up legend when it comes to seducing young heterosexual Women into one night stands of lady licking sexual servitude. She was brought to my attention when a girl, who shall remain nameless, was seduced by the raw power of Kentucky over hook up legend Frank T.J. Mackey. Although Mackey is a great teacher to many men, the conquest skillz of Kentucky Lightning can not be denied regardless of her sexual preference. Look for her Youtube video in the article for a real taste of Kentucky Lightning.

 
Laurence Fishburne's Daughter turns to Pornstar! E-mail
Written by The Elder   

montana fishburne choosing the red pillMontana Fishburne, daughter of actor Larry, I mean, Laurence Fishburne has turned to porn! Talk about being the father and feeling like you were the one who was Owned! What the hell would lead a girl who was the daughter of a prominent actor turn to porn?

 
Lesbian Linsdsay Lohan E-mail
Written by The Elder   

samanatha roson and lindsay lohan fucking Lindsay Lohan has come out of the closet recently and has been seen in the arms of DJ Samantha Roson. However, Lohan has done more than just come out of the closet but has transformed from an attention seeking skank tank to Aileen Wournos, lesbian serial muncher! The following article contains images of Lindsay Lohan's transformation from an easy doable chick into an ashe tray of a lesbian muff diving mouse knitter!

 
Linda Hogan's Hoagies E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Linda Hogan is a free woman at the time this article was written. I have to tread lightly because I have met Brook Hogan and think she is a sweet girl and do not want to ruin my chances with her. However, I have to do a piece on Linda but will focus more on the Toolshed Dunston blond boy who looks like Ringo Star's long lost douche crack.

 
Lindsay Lohan Sentence Suspended! E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 sentenced lindsay lohanActress Lindsay Lohan could be out of jail after serving only NINE days. That translate to: Famous people who are rich can do what ever they want and we the little people must watch and be in awe of it but get sentenced to full out the full term of the same offense. She began a 90-day sentence on Tuesday for breaking the terms of her probation for a 2007 drink-driving charge. But hey if Eliot Spitzer can prosecute people for sleeping with prostitutes and sleep with them himself and get a job with CNN, then I guess Lohan is good to go.

 
Manliness, Obama VS Putin? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

A picture is worth a 1,000 words. So what does this one tell you about manliness?

 
Mel Gibson Extorted? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

mel gibson extortedThe Hollywood Reporter has learned that after the disturbing Mel Gibson audiotapes became public this month, Oksana Grigorieva wrote Gibson a text message explaining why she had surreptitiously recorded their conversations. However the tables seem to have turned as Oksana was reportedly paid 15 million in a previous settlement she did not mention to the judge. Extortion here we come.

 
Michael Phelps Wins 8 Olympic Gold Medals! E-mail
Written by The Elder   

micheal phelps wins gold Micheal Phelps has beaten the record of consecutive gold medal wins in swimming and has set 7 world records in the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Phelps was broadcast by media pundits to take all 8 gold medals and there was never a moments doubt that he would not do so. Phelps will be a household name for generations to come and has set a surge in the swimming world. Who knows how many countless fans he has inspired to become professional swimmers to emulate excellence as he did during his historic achievement. The man child is now an all American hero and icon to the world for his achievements and this piece was done to honor his efforts, sacrifices and glory.


 
Miss USA Pageant Carrie Prejean Controversy E-mail
Written by The Elder   
carrie prejean miss californiaCarrie Prejean was runner up to winning the Miss USA Pageant but her feelings about same Sex marriage may have ruined her chance to win. Prejean told FOX News that she had "no regrets" and was happy with the answer she gave when a Miss USA judge, the gossip blogger Perez Hilton, asked about her stance on same-sex marriage. Perez Hilton is an obnoxious Queen of Mean who he even himself admits. Who cares what a guy who wears pastels and cleans bumper chrome thinks about same sex marriage. Prejean shocked the world when she sacrificed the crown with honesty and truth.
 
Movies Influenced by Guy Code E-mail
Written by The Elder   
You may not consciously realize it but the most popular movies of our time and times before were influenced by Guy Code. These movies have several aspects of sterotypical Guy Code attributes involving humor, slick operators, hilarious hook up lines, funny one liners, Sex scoring super males, making fun of feminists, making fun of Women, making fun of women and making fun of women, etc.
 
Pastor Terry Jones World's Biggest Con Artist E-mail
Written by The Elder   

pastor terry jones "We will definitely not burn the Quran," the Rev. Terry Jones told NBC's "Today" on Saturday "Not today, not ever." The burning had been planned for 6 p.m. However, someone else had some choice words for Pastor Terry Jones.

 
Perez Hilton Gets Bitch Smacked, Alot E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

perez hilton beat up by black eyed peas Perez Hilton gets his princess ass kicked while in Toronto Canada. I guess those Canadians Love their Carrie Prejean! I'm just kidding, he got beat up by a staff member of the Black Eyed Peas who also can not stand Perez. You see, just because you have fans doesn't mean you have all of them. Lots of people may not like you because you dye your air and looks like MANBEARPPIG's best friend. In this case, Perez, you are fucking annoying. Heteros and non heteros find you obnoxious and can actually hear you getting fatter when your eating in your youtube videos.

 
Pretty Wild Reality Show "Tess Taylor, Alexis Neiers" E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

 pretty  wild tess taylor, alexis neiers, gabby neiersWow. This show has everything to keep the attention of males of all ages. Tits, ass, legs and stupid young whores dying to out whore one another. I saw this show by accident after boozing one weekend and the channel changed to random young titties. I was hooked. It was like the Simple Life but with girls who were actually hot and displayed actually sluttiness. The show comes on E and is only going to get better with more slutty shenanigans to come.  

 
Reality TV Sucks E-mail
Written by Fifth Round   

reality tv sucks I'm completely and utterly exhausted with this so called 'reality television.' When did when we as a society begin to lower our standards to remotely consider this entertainment? It must be some form of guilty pleasure. At least the Romans made you watch in person. Oh, and by the way - it's everything but real. Nothing real about it. Sorry. Do you find yourself soul searching at night and end up watching reality tv? Well, if you suffer from this train wreck addiction see if you are watching the worst of the worst of reality tv shows.  “Reality used to be a friend of mine” -PM Dawn

 
Riff Raff Thug Passion Mtv Douche Bag E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

riff raff big ass poser You all may recall Riff Raff (douche bag in the picture to the left) in the MTV reality series G's to Gents season 2. No? Don't worry, I didn't watch that ridiculous pussy scary garbage either. However, a friend of mine sent me a youtube link of this struggle wanna be thug telling off his cast members using thug body language and broken sentences. I wanted to laugh at first but then I felt embarrassed for him because there are so many more convincing thugs out there. Anyway, my friend called him on his cell phone because the idiot posted his number on his Myspace before the MTV poeple hooked it up for him. My friend told him he was "The Real G". Seriously, the stupid bastard answered his phone. After that I knew I had to get in on this train wreck before MTV canceled his new reality show Thug Passion. Last but not least, Riff Raff is in a feud with P-Diddy's former Umbrella holder and G's to Gents host, Fonzworth Bentley. Yea, what kind of real thug would threaten a guy like Fonzworth? Exactly. Riff Raff. 

 
Sarah Palin VPILF E-mail
Written by The Elder   

sarah palin vice president nraBeing political is a tricky business and although we tend to not get political we are just getting sexual with Sarah Palin AKA the VPILF. We at Guy Code have agreed that this woman could be a Smoking Gun but the results are not yet in. At this point she is just a hot lady with power who loves guns and obviously enjoys physical intimacy thus having 5 children. More over, she has rebounded her figure quite admirably and that is something to consider when picking your VP mate for life (wife). We will critique Palin's hotness for all men to review and make up their own mind if you would hit it.

 
Senator Robert Byrd Greatest Generation Dies 92 E-mail
Written by The Elder   

robert byrd greatest generation  Democratic US Senator Robert Byrd, the longest-serving member of Congress in history, has died aged 92, his spokesman has said. The West Virginia lawmaker died peacefully at a hospital in Fairfax, Virginia. Regardless of his party affiliation Byrd was a part of "The Greatest Generation" something that falls on deaf ears in our current make up of our country.Byrd will be honored in Guy Code for his display of longevity, manliness and his character. Thank you for your strong conservative service.

 
Sophia Loren Still Hot at 75? E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   
sophia loren hot at 75I thought Sophia Loren was hot in Grumpy old Men 2. I figured to myself, "Not bad for a woman in her 60's". However, recently she said hey look at me now, I'm a super hot G-G- Gilf. You be the judge. Would you hit it?
 
Teen Idol Corey Haim Dies at 38 E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 BURBANK, Calif. The Los Angeles coroner's office says "The Lost Boys" actor Corey Haim is dead at 38.He was later pronounced dead at Providence St. Joseph's Medical Center in Burbank. Apparently is was a drug overdose. Haim was a huge child star of the 80's whose career ended abruptly after Mouth starred in the movie "The Burbs".

 
The Best Drink Coaster Ever: "Gigli" (2003) E-mail
Written by Fifth Round   

gigli dvd The movie Gigli has been recently brought up describing the failed acting careers of two big Hollywood players. If you are a promising actor, never do business with the woman you are dating. Only bad things can come of it especially if they fornicated with P-Diddy. The movie Gigli summed up as follows.

 
The Excommunicated E-mail
Written by The Elder   

The Excommunicated are male celebrities of news worthy status who have no interest in fornicating with hot chicks or are just complete candy asses to the male Sex in general. Men like these are the reason dodge ball is no longer played in public school due to their out right collaboration with fat nasty feminists. Moreover, these same men have also blown it with possible chances of scoring with hot ass and were not even ashamed by it.

 
The Kardashians E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Keeping up with the Kardashians

Keeping up with the Kardashians is a reality TV show that is all ASS and no pulse. More over, these are two things men look for when last call is announced at a bar. In this show, you have three sisters Kim, Kourtney and Khloe who are all old enough to have Sex (notice the K trend in their names?) and dress like they have it. People mainly tune in to catch a glimpse at all the female bitching on the show and to see if one of Kim's thongs is lying on the floor. There is no real substance to the show save all the ass that walks passed the screen in a compressed segment.

 
Tiger Woods Sext Messages E-mail
Written by The Elder   

tiger woods sex tape Former porn actress who will probably go back to sucking D for money Joslyn James, released sexually graphic text messages today featuring Tiger Woods. She did this to really gain attention and perhaps to get a VH1 reality tv show. However, she tells media that she did so in order to prove her relationship with Woods. She claimed he loved her yet the text messages reveal she was nothing more than a dish rag whore. Looks like Tiger got an EAGLE on that one!

 
Jersey Shore's Snooki E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

snooki jersey shoreOkay, I am not an avid watcher of Jersey Shore but I know what it is. If I wanted to see a bunch of ravioli and meatballs I'll go to the Olive Garden. However, I heard Snooki in the news when the president mentioned her in a speech and I thought to myself, "who the hell is Snooki"? Well for all of you guys out there who like thick tanned Women with terrible accents and with chewed leather skin, then this article is for you!

 
"Douglas MacArthur" I mean Stanely McCHRYSTAL Fired E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

 general stanely mcchrystal The empty suit fired 4 star General Stanley McCHRYSTAL. America has a bunch of limp wristed sissy faggots in charge of the armed forces. A lot of big hats and no cattle cock suckers who are unfit to pour piss out of a boot with instructions written on the heel. I can not tell you how horrible and painful it is to listen to politicians who have never served in the armed forces talk about duty, honor and obedience. McCHRYSTAL will fuck you up. I hope he runs for president even though the Mayan calender says the world will end and the Zombocalypse will be among us but what better a leader than McCHRYSTAL to lead us through that! Hell, McCHRYSTAL is so bad ass that he only uses one lower case letter in his last name. 

 
Al Gore Accused of Sexual Harassment of Massage Therapist E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

 al gore massage therapist PORTLAND, Oregon. Portland police say they investigated allegations that former Vice President & global warming fraud proponent, Al Gore had "unwanted sexual contact" with a massage therapist during an October 2006 visit, but they found insufficient evidence to support the woman's claims. This is to be expected because all Women lie accept when something actually happens to them in which case no one believes them because they always lie. You know, smack a woman around and she doesn't know anything but she will say anything. You see, you just can't trust them unless you are in Mexico. However, more of these stories are putting Al Gore into the candidacy of It's Guy Code Man of the Year. 

 
Album Review: Asher Roth E-mail
Written by Fifth Round   

asher roth whigger jen ashton If you have ever been at a bar or party and a bunch of preppy white guys started free-styling (this has become exponentially more prevalent after the widespread popularity of “8 Mile”) and wondered what would happen the next morning if one of these shaggy haired, Wedding-Crasher-Look-A-Likes woke up, shook off the hangover and tried to get a record deal, you now have an answer: Asher Roth.

 

 
Alfie Patten Your Are Not The Father E-mail
Written by The Elder   

alfie patten Baby face Alfie Patten is now a father at 13. His girlfriend Chantelle Steadman, 15, gave birth to Maisie Roxanne at 7lb 3oz. Now Alfie is relieved that Marury Povich performed some DNA test to prove that the slag had been seeing other men other than Alfie. Now Alfie can return to his normal life of playing video games and looking at internet porn. Hopefully Chantelles family member who knocked her up feels less guilty that Alfie is no longer to blame.

 
Ann Coulter A Lesbian? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

ann coulter shirt Ann Coulter is probably the most vocal yet masculine pundit on the political airways. However, Ann Coulter has become a cantankerous wing nut and I think she is doing more harm to Guy Code than good. We believe she actually is suffering from a physiological anxiety that is causing her to act out like an Ape in the Asheboro Zoo throwing shit against the glass wall. What is causing Ann Coulter to behave this way? I fear Ann is a repressed lesbian who is fighting an futile battle to escape the reality of her San Francisco Castro district sexual orientation. Are you an Ann Coulter fan? You may not be after we go over the suggested hypocritical evidence. Sorry guys, this may sting a bit.

 
Arnold Schwarzenegger Guy Code Bio E-mail
Written by The Elder   
Arnold Schwarzenegger is the physical embodiment of Guy Code and has made a huge impact in bringing back masculinity to the forefront of American soceity. Arnold came from nothing and became the biggest hollywood super star in American history and all because he discovered his calling gave to him by Guy Code.


 
Bill Clinton and Guy Code Bio E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 bill clinton

Bill Clinton talks about his first time with Guy Code. How one can set up a political marriage run a country and have free reign on any woman he desires. Bill Clinton is Guy Code.

 
Brett Michaels Breaks Nose Tony Awards E-mail
Written by The Elder   
brett michaels tony awards Brett Micheals was closed lined last night at the Tony Awards and everyone is still talking about this morning. After opening the ceremony with a musical performance of Micheals old aging band "Poison" his lights were knocked out by a metaphor from the heavens. Micheals walking off stage as though he still had his fame from his youth was knocked the F out by a piece of stag equipment. I like Brett Michaels but when something embarrassing as this happens to you, I lose all respect and begin to laugh out loud, LITERALLY.
 
Brooke Hogan Good Job on boob Job E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

 brooke hogan boob jobBrooke Hogan like many young trust fund baby children got a boob job. I wonder where she got the idea from? Her mother Linda boobs look like tyrannosaurus nuts. I guess Brooke went for some a little more modest. In complete honesty, they look pretty good. I am no boob man but I wouldn't mind spending a summer week vacation in between her treasure trove. 

 
Casey Affleck Accused of Sexual Harassment E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

casey affleck NEW YORK (CBS) Actor Casey Affleck is facing a sexual harassment lawsuit filed on behalf of a woman working on his documentary about actor Joaquin Phoenix. That's right, Casey Affleck is making a documentary on the insane transition from once upon a great actor Joaquin Phoenix to back room joke rapper. Oh and apparently Casey sexually harassment some over sensitive Feminist.

 
Chelsea Clinton Worried Husband Will Cheat on Her E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 chelsea clinton smilingChelsea Clinton is worried sick her future husband will cheat on her. Really? I mean really? I seriously wonder why she would dare think such a thing. I wonder if it has anything to do with her father cheating so many countless times on her mother? On top of that, I guess her mother putting up with it all those years only reinforces that Chelsea will do the same thing. Hmmmmmmmm.

 
Chris Brown Interview About Rihanna E-mail
Written by The Elder   

chris brown hitting rihanna gif With all the gossip flying around about the Chris Brown and girlfriend Rihanna incident we wanted to get the total scoop. Our friend Trick Daddy talked Chris Brown to come in and set the record straight for everyone. The interview took an unexpected turn when the questions got a little too tough for Brown and had a few choice words to reveal. All in all, it was a great interview that looks into the depths of a struggling R&B superstar who most us had never heard of until the Grammy pimp smack incident.

 
Chuck Norris Middle East Mission E-mail
Written by The Elder   
Chuck Norris was instructed by himself to personally liberate the repressed sexuality of Muslim Women in the Middle East. Norris was neither condemned nor condoned by the United States government to attempt this act but did so on his own accord. Chuck also is proving that virgins exist in the Middle East without having to blow yourself up to get them. However, at the rate Norris is going though the Middle East their may not be enough virgins left and terrorist will have to start blowing themselves up to get some.
 
Coburn Warns Vote Switchers on Health Care E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 tom coburn is dr no Does anyone know Tom Coburn? Well he is a bad ass in the United States senate. One of the few guys who is there to represent his constituents and he is also from a state threatening to secede more or less.  This senator just stated that he will hunt your ass down if you take a bribe to vote yes on the health care reform bill. Well, if you're a man's man what he said to his colleagues was, "I will fuck you up".

 
Dave Ramsey Filed Bankruptcy E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 dave ramsey filed bankruptcyI know that financial issues are not the topic of discussion on itsguycode.com but I had a South Park moment. I was channel surfing and I heard this Dave Ramsey guy on the news. He was introduced as some sort of financial maven. For those of you who do not know what a maven is, it’s a person who is an honest expert in a particular field and genuinely helps people. To my discontent I listened for 5 minutes to this smug condescending tool bag talk down to people who are in financial disarray (aka seriously in debt). So I Googled Dave Ramsey’s name for a better take on my first impression of him. I was beside myself at the hypocrisy that I discovered.

 
Double D Tennis Star Simona Halep E-mail
Written by The Elder   

simona halep serving As I am in London enjoying my heritage I get a message about an astonishing young tennis star. Well, maybe not astonishing skill wise but she has a pair of Machine Gun Jubblies that would cause the clouds of Belfast to disappear for a 1,000 years. This tennis wonder is Simona Halep. She has to play with a jacket just so her boobs do not interfere with game point! Simona says, "This fall I'll have a breast reduction operation. The breasts make me uncomfortable when I play." I implore her not to do this because she will throw away gods gift to man!

 
Elliot Spitzer's Madam Kristen Davis runs for Governor of New York E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 kristen davis governor of new yorkKristin Davis is perhaps best known for her career as the Manhattan Madam. Now, during that time she supplied New York notables such as Eliot Spitzer with high-priced prostitutes. But now, Davis is launching a career in politics. She is running for the highest position in New York state. Prime Minister. hahahaha. Just kidding, she is running to be governor. Pornstar Marey Carey did the same thing when governor Gray Davis was impeached back in 2003.

 
Female Russian Spy Anna Chapman Caught! E-mail
Written by The Elder   

rusian spy anna chapman  A ring of 10 Russian moles right out of a Cold War spy novel was smashed yesterday and among those busted was a flame-haired, 007-worthy beauty who flitted from high-profile parties to top-secret meetings around Manhattan. Men are so stupid. It's one thing to be a man its another to be a god. Women have the ultimate interrogating devices, a vagina, nice tits and an ass (more if you are susceptible to fetish body parts). However since America has the most dominant penises around the joke was on the hot red headed Russian spy slut!

 
Hall of Fame E-mail
Written by The Elder   

The Guy Code Hall of Fame is for all famous men who showed extreme character, charisma, success, and triumph over all odds and are legends with the female Sex. Regardless of politics Guy Code only see's those men who are or were smooth operators and could get away with anything having to do with scoring with the fairer sex.

 
Hillary Duff Goes DOWN after Engagement Proposal E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 hillary duffThe lovely Hillary Duff was caught on camera by paparazzi accepting an engagement ring. It doesn't sound like news you would care about until you saw how she thanked her soon to be her fiancé hockey player Mike Comrie. Hillary Duff was caught going down on her fiancé in some hotel. We do not know if these photos are true but you be the judge. 

 
I Wish that I Had Jesse's Girls! E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 jesse james's girls Talk about a problem most guys wish they had. Jesse James infidelities have finally caught up with him. However, his legend grows among men earning him many precious miles of street credit.Jesse can now write a book on what it was like to sleep with the 3types of Women, the good girl, the bad girl and the slut.I wish that I had Jesse's Girls!

 
Interview with Superman E-mail
Written by The Elder   

superman returns The first ever interview with the Man of Steele brought to you by its guy code. This interview contains candid responses from Superman in his rarest form ever. Questions relating to our current economy to who he banged last month. If you are a fan of Superman then you will want to read the one on one interview answering regular questions from a regular guy about things that all regular guys want to know.

 
Jack Bauer E-mail
Written by The Elder   
jacks bauer holding gun Is Jack Bauer bad for America? These are the questions candy asses ask their college professor who have never felt warm vagina on their penises before. Jack Bauer is the essence of masculinity and practices Guy Code on a daily basis contained in every episode of 24. This is Jack Bauer explained to all those who have never been in a fight, got their ass kicked or was ever picked on by their older brother.
 
Jesse James Blind Sides Sandra Bullock E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

jesse james cheated Wow first Tiger Woods and now Jesse James. When will these Women wake up. When I guy is rich as balls he is going to bang beaver. It is simple physics. When a guy is poor and modest he will Love you until the day you die (then find another woman to worship). Attention hot famous women out there. If you want a friend buy a dog, don't marry one. Sandra, you married a guy who fathered a child with a porn star. Poor you. 

 
Jimmy Kimmel & Sarah Silverman Split Up E-mail
Written by The Elder   

sarah silverman and jimmy kimmel break up Late night host Jimmy Kimmel and comic wannabe Sarah Silverman have called it quits after five years of dating according to Hollywood sources. The break up was mutual, a source says but all of us who have experienced a break up knows that’s just bullshit. Mutual break ups is like being somewhat ugly or somewhat good looking, it’s never both. Most likely Sarah Silverman ended it with Jimmy Kimmel because her star was only rising so high when dating Jimmy Kimmel so she is looking for another Sponsor like Sharon Stone's character did in the movie Casino.

 
John Edwards Guy Code Man of the Year E-mail
Written by The Elder   

John Edwards didn't get the vice presidential nomination but he got something even better, Guy Code Man of the Year! Not only did Edwards get his ding dong played with on the campaign trail but after coming out of the hotel bathroom under security protection he made the feminists respect his manhood. No Feminist will condemn Edwards for his indiscretions while his wife was under the knife thus proving it's still a man's world. Now that Edwards choose to humiliate his family over a campaign harlot hit and quit it routine, he can rest assured all will be well and he can go about his life with everyone forgiving him and chase ambulances and live happily ever after. its guy code!!! Edwards message is it's ok to have an affair, just don't Love them and make sure if your wife is fighting cancer that it's in remission!

 
Larry Flynt and Guy Code Influence E-mail
Written by The Elder   
 Larry Flynt is a subject of contraversy in American history but he was the forerunner who brought pornopgraphy to all those computers with inter-net. This can not go un-noticed, un-thanked, or un-mentioned. Flynt took his first ammendment right of female exposure all the way to the supreme court and won the right for all men to enjoy the first ammendment expression of Women in their natural form, which is to be nude and to please man. Thanks Larry.
 
Les Grossman is Guy Code in Tropic Thunder E-mail
Written by The Elder   

les grossman is tom cruise I saw Tropic Thunder and then forgot about it. I think I laughed and said it was decent. I then watched it again recently and totally forgot that Tom Cruise was Les Grossman. His character violently secreted Guy Code and was obnoxious about it. Les Grossman is White Collar Guy Code at its finest. If you have no idea who Les Grossman is or how Tom Cruise completely redeemed himself, take a step back and slap yourself. Here is where the healing begins.

 
Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin call off the engagement E-mail
Written by The Elder   

bristol palin levi johnson engagement offWow. Like I didn't see that coming. Bristol although cute is dumber than a bag of left handed hammers. I hope the humiliation that Levi caused the first time carries with her 10 fold. She would have made better headlines if she shot him in the face with a potato gun.

 
Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   
lindsay lohan nude marilyn monroeIt doesn't ever stop, Lindsay Lohan will be starring in a re-imagining of the 1962 Marilyn Monroe photo shoot. In what is likely her greatest role to date, Lindsay Lohan plays Marilyn Monroe between the sheets – literally – in the new spring fashion issue of New York magazine.
 
Lindsay Lohan Strikes in New Contraversial Film "Machete" E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

 lindsay lohan macheteLindsay Lohan is at is again. This time after all her recent carnage in the news she is billed to appear in the controversial film, "Machete". A new poster for Machete, directed by Robert Rodriguez, shows Lohan posing as a nun, in full habit, licking the barrel of a gun. Kind of hot for all those guys who like Women and guns.

 
Megan Fox Marrys 90210 Dork Brian Austin Green E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 megan fox married loserMegan Fox, 24, and Green, 36, got married on June 24, after six years of dating and two engagements. Did any of you know that? Did any of you know Megan Fox was dating 90210's David Silver? I did not nor did I realize they got married. What was she thinking?

 
Mexican Drug Cartel Puts a Price on Arizona Sheriff's Head E-mail
Written by The Elder   

sherriff Joe Arpaio threatened PHOENIX - Joe Arpaio has been at the center of the discussions and controversies surrounding illegal immigration enforcement in Arizona for quite a while. He is an American bad ass who doesn't sympathize with criminals just because they cry and say they are sorry in front of a judge. He believes in an eye for an eye and will enforce the laws of Arizona with extreme vengeance and furious anger. Since the Federal government cares more about the rights of illegal aliens and a no borders policy Joe Arpaio has now been threatened by the Mexican Drug Cartels and Washington is searching for its Viagra.

 
Michelle Obama, whats wrong with this picture? E-mail
Written by The Elder   
  If America is so fat and poor then whats wrong with this picture?
 
Montana Fishburne Arrested for Assault and Prostitution! E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

 montana fishburne arrested  LOS ANGELES ~ Newly minted porn star Montana Fishburne, the daughter of "Matrix" star Laurence Fishburne, is expected to be charged later this month with assault with a deadly weapon and trespassing, both misdemeanors, stemming from an incident in February, the Los Angeles City Attorney's Office confirmed to Access Hollywood.

 
Paris Hilton seems a little Cold E-mail
Written by The Elder   

paris hilton nipple pic Well its been a long time since Paris Hilton appeared in the news. With all the new younger and vibrant stars out there who could care less about the girl who has showed us her public parts on a regular basis? We do! I still think Paris is relevant for being an heiress alone. 

 
Perez Hilton Charged With Miley Cyrus Child Pornography? E-mail
Written by The Elder   

perez hilton  It looks like Perez Hilton is finding out the hard way that people don't take too kindly to a gossip blogger posting fake upskirt photos of teen stars that could potentially be considered child pornography. Then again Perez Hilton looks like a child loving pedophile.

 
Perez Hilton Queen of all Media E-mail
Written by The Elder   

perez hilton fat pig Perez Hilton a queer eye for the political correct mind made huge waves by drawing stick figure insult lines on celebrity photographs and put them on his blog. He basically got famous for making fun of the obvious douche bags of Hollywood.  Most people laugh at Perez but do not like him and would be afraid to sit next to him on a bus or even a subway. In the most queerest form Perez launched into a full-blown attack on Christian Miss USA Pageant contestant Carrie Prejean calling her a bitch and a C-word, as well as defacing photos of her with sexually explicit drawings all because she believes marriage should be between a man and a woman. Anyway, since dicks are for chicks we spray Perez with a little of his own butt smear, enjoy the EPIC LULZ of this lonely old queen.

 
Rachel Bloom "F*ck Me Ray Bradbury" Music Video E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 rachel bloomA young and hot comic Rachel Bloom makes mock pop culture video of Sci-Fi writer Ray Bradbury. Watch the video and give it a chance. If you are not a Sci-Fi geek it will take you two times to watch before you realize Rachel Bloom is sexy. If you are a Sci-Fi geek just press play and you will be there already.

 
Richard Christy & Sal Governale E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

sal and richard howard stern show Sal and Richard are the guys who most likely made the prank calls you receive in your emails throughout the day. The prank call duo gained infamous notoriety when they were making out in the background of CNN reporter Allen Chernoff when he was covering Lehman Brothers when they bankrupt.  For all those guys who do not think growing up is important, then Richard Christy and Sal Governale are for you. More importantly these guys are the essence of Guy Code.Although the Jerky Boys were funny, I think Sal and Richard put them to shame.

 
Sacha Cohen and Eminem 2009 Movie Awards E-mail
Written by The Elder   
bruno lands on eminem during 2009 movie awardsLast night at the Mtv movie awards the trash talking, take no prisoners disher of disses was he himself humiliated by the pretending gay comedian personality "Bruno" by Sacha Baron Cohen. You know, the guy who played Borat. I think Cohen wanted to get the guy who gets everyone else and thought to himself, "Eminem is nothing, I shall best him in front of all those whom which he has bested over the years" and he did! If you did not see the humiliations galore of that event please read further and view the video.

 
Senator Lindsey Graham Gay? E-mail
Written by Matt Stone   

 senator lindsey graham is gay? Is senator Lindsey Graham Gay? I mean what kind of real man would make Americans carry a world ID card in their own country? A card that carries your DNA data, bank accounts, medical history etc? I'll tell you what kind of man, a man wanting to find out who else is gay so he can tour the local bath houses with them. Pretty clever aye little chum.

 
Sexy Preacher Paula White E-mail
Written by T.J. Mackey   

paula white sexy preacherPaula White is spoken plainly is a petite, polite, listen first sexy beast. If you happened to be channel surfing and see her you would think she was the new spokes woman for AMWAY (Quixstar). Needless to say this television evangelist has made a boat load of money appealing to the down trodden and people of low IQ's. If you think that is a harsh criticism then you haven't seen her million dollar homes, luxury cars and dinner bills. The real crux of Paula White is how damn sexy she is and how much I want to bang her. If you are a former Jimmy Swaggart follower then you will be able to forgive this article too. 

 
Support Owen Captain Honors E-mail
Written by The Elder   

 owen honorsCaptain Honors deserves far better than to have political correctness defend our country in his stead. It is amazing that the once great country of the USA is now a castrated dog who is still expected to stud by the people who had him fixed. Why? Because they think that by being understanding to five offended people in a room with a fax machine and internet access will show the rest of the world that we mean it no harm. 

 
The Asian Fantasy DJ Heavy Grinder E-mail
Written by Trey Parker   

dj heavygrinder house music djIf you ever had an Asian fantasy, DJ Heavygrinder would be the one to have it for. She looks like God crossed a mortal with an angel just by the tear drops from his eyes. She is stunningly beautiful and has been known to have the power to part the seas. If you like house music as well as dancing and beautiful Women, check out DJ Heavygrinder.

 
The Best of Ric Flair Promo Videos E-mail
Written by The Elder   

This is a collection of some of the funniest and most insulting Rick Flair wrestling promos. For those of you unfamiliar with what a promo is, in the case of Ric Flair, it's Flair trash talking any and everyone he felt like. Flair had a natural ability to insult in a very entertaining yet personal manner. A lot of wrestlers said it was hard to tell if Flair was being serious or not. Flair was so good at these promos that it sealed the realism for professional wrestling. Ric Flair was the essence of Guy Code.
 
The Great Dolemite Passes E-mail
Written by The Elder   

the great dolemite Comedic actor Rudy Ray Moore, best known to blaxploitation fans as kung fu pimp Dolemite, died Sunday October 20th 2008at an Akron nursing home from complications of diabetes, according to media reports. He was 81 years old. Moore was a 1970's classic comedy action star. He is being honored for his contributions for furthering Guy Code to all walks of life perpetuated not only by himself by his Dolemite movies. Youtube Dolemite and laugh your ass off at this pre-Samuel Jackson of a character in his own right.

 
The Watchmen Defined E-mail
Written by The Elder   
the watchmen logoThe Watchmen is a twelve-issue graphic novel that came about in 1986 which was a time during the 80’s where masculinity apologized for no one. The limited series was created by writer Alan Moore, artist Dave Gibbons, and colorist John Higgins who like the Watchmen, brought a unique gift to the series. The Watchmen characters all possessed a single yet over emphasized masculine trait that defined the persona of each character. When all of these characters combined they made up the nature of humanity which was all the good, the evil and the complicated (or flawed). If you couldn’t figure out what characters represented then have no fear for we have illustrated it for you.
 
Tim Shriver and Tropic Thunder E-mail
Written by The Elder   

Timothy P. Shriver is the Chairman of Special Olympics and is mad because Ben Stiller (a fellow advocate of Guy Code) has made a movie called (Simple Jack) and basically made fun of retards, I'm sorry, "special people". Shriver went on the news and wanted people to boycott Ben Stiller's new film Tropic Thunder in order to satisfy his ego and his omnipotent self importance of doing good. Here's a big news flash to offended people regardless of what things personally offend you. If you are offended then this site has done its job.