Hooking Up At Planned Parenthood

 Thinking About Abortion?

When was accepted into Vanderbilt University I knew I had to join a revered fraternity so what better one to join than the Kappa Alphas. I had always heard of the horrors of Rush Week and I was prepared to suffer the indignities that came with pledging for one of the greatest fraternities in the United States. To my surprise we were told we had a choice in either pledging traditionally or taking the ultimate challenge (which later I called the Hell Mary option). The Hell Mary ritual was something that would be very difficult to accomplish but would not have to suffer the embarrassing indignity of “rush week” which involves humiliating tasks that compromise ones own sense as a man in order to become a Kappa Alpha. The Hell Mary ritual was the one I choose and involved picking up a girl in a Planned Parenthood clinic.


At first I was taken back like the other pledges concerning the Hell Mary initiation ritual but thought about my options. Lots of the other pledges were opposed to this and choose to participate in the regular rituals of “rush week” which showed their lack of ambition and dignity. I thought it was actually kind of humorous and genius who ever came up with this idea so I was ready to try it. You have to remember, being hazed and humiliated is not something I wanted to have happen to me and having the chance to do that to a girl instead was much more appealing since it happens anyway every Friday night of my college life. So I began to go over the rules of this ritual with my Fraternity brothers for the big show.


I did have an inside advantage of a man who took me under his wing and gave me some tips. This scholar Kappa Alpha told me that the trick to this pledge ritual is getting the girl out of the office before the surgery is performed. I was told it was a test to my honesty that the other Kappa Alphas did not tell to see if I would have made it up like I would have met her out later. Most guys would lie and say they fornicated with a girl after she had an abortion not realizing it is impossible to do so because of the painful surgery that had taken place earlier that day. I being of sound mind realized a woman is unable to have Sex after a surgery of that nature. So, I was to get the girl out of the clinic and basically delay her from getting the operation done by offering counsel and comfort to her.


I had two Planned Parenthood locations to choose from to increase my chances but struck gold at the location on 412 Dr Db Todd Jr Blvd. I was dropped off around 11:00 am at the clinic which was literally a stone throw away from Vanderbilt. It was on a Thursday morning and there were a lot of cars parked in the parking lot. I made my way into the building and the girl at the desk asked me what my business was there and I told her I was going to comfort my girlfriend. I of course I to finagle my way in but a few batted eyes and the deception of concern paved my way in. She then admitted me into the waiting room where there were about three girls filling out forms. I had to turn off my normal standards in what I look for in a woman because I wanted to succeed as fast as possible. I then I picked the sickest wildebeest out of the herd.


I approached a frail brunette who was literally shaking while she was trying to fill out the form. I asked her if she was alright and she replied that she was fine but just nervous and began to scribble her information down. I offered to fill out the form for her so that all she had to do was to tell me what to write and she obliged at my kindness. We exchanged a lot of info and when she asked me what I was doing there I told her I was picking up my cousin after her appointment. Seeing that she was really nervous I asked if she would want to get a cup of coffee and talk about how she was feeling in a more appleaing environment. I could tell she was looking for any reason to leave and took me up on my offer.


She seemed quite taken with my genuineness and trusted me right off. She the called her friend to tell her she got another ride home. She was so into me that she did not ever realize I did not take my cousin home that day from the clinic. We ended up going to the Starbucks on 402 21st Ave S and talked about what had happened to her and where the guy was who had knocked her up. We spent at least 2 hours exchanging stories and aspirations all the while working some hand touching and of course played footsies.


In order for the Kappa alphas to see you were actually making progress you had to show you had made substantial contact with a Planned Parenthood girl. To reiterate, the Kappa Alpha leadership had to see you with the girl and you must go on a date afterward and fornicate with her before she goes through with the Planned Parenthood surgery. I accomplished this first by exiting the building with the girl and having one of my fraternity brothers witnesses this. They also saw me wasting hours at the Starbucks watching from a car across the way. The next step would be the date and then fornication which was rapidly approaching.


I was fortunate to have a Sponsor on the inside who told me how to pass this ritual once he realized I plucked her out of the Clinic before the surgery. He told me how to play on the fact that this girl will be an emotional wreck and looking for a rock of confidence. He emphasized that this girl is most likely keeping her getting an abortion a secret and you are one of the few who knows about it. She will trust you and will want to feel close to someone during this hard time. I was also instructed to pretend as though this girl was like my little sister to get her to unload her tears on me. I was then told the moment of break though comfort would have to be at night at her place. Once these attributes were met my chances to fornicate with her during her feelings of woo were prime and the bonus was that I didn't have to wear a condom because she was already pregnant.


I took her out later that night to a movie and we both went back to her apartment afterward. Meanwhile the Kappa Alphas are following us in the “jump van” to monitor my progress. We went into her apartment and that is when she began to cry and I of course held her and told her that everything was going to be alright. I put my hand under her chin and looked in her eyes and told her how beautiful she was and kissed her lips. She kissed back and I told her how glad I was to have found her during a time of melancholy. As we inched to her bedroom I laid her down on her bed and told her I was falling in Love with her and we had sex.


I left the room shortly after we had fornicated and showed the evidence to my Kappa Alpha brothers who were waiting patiently. The evidence consisted of her underwear, the unused condom, and the witness verifying that I went into the apartment with a girl I randomly met at an abortion clinic and my word. The last bit of evidence were the next day phone and text messages asking why I have left and will not return her calls. There were a few I can’t believe you used me for sex clichés in the messages a well. This bit of evidence is what seals all doubt concerning the fornication part. I was fortunate to have received the message a day after the event of having sex with her but I fined 2 days ahead of schedule.


This pledge ritual took me three days to complete and at the end of it I was omitted from participating in the rest of “rush week”. I was honored among the Kappa Alpha senior leadership and became a Kappa Alpha accordingly. I took being a Kappa Alpha very seriously and was basically seen as a legend for committing the ultimate hook up walk of shame. I have no idea what happened to that girl and never saw her again. Am I an asshole? I am no more of an asshole than the girl who does the same thing on a Friday night to a guy minus the Planned Parenthood aspect.

 The Planed Parenthood Hook Up Method explained.

You do not have to literally go to an abortion clinic to pick up a girl. You can go to places like funerals, psyche wards, hospital etc and apply the same principals. This method is not for the shy at heart but rather for the connoisseur who wishes to be a legend.

1. Locate the weakest link or the sickest wildebeest.
2. Approach her and try to find out what her problem is.
3. Use a woman’s helpless nature against them.
4. make a connection with her, lie about it, just make the connection (the easiest is my mother died to or whatever she is upset about you have it to, you need her to drop her guard quickly)
5. tell her you need to get her our of this environment, take her out and talk more.
6. try to get her back to her place and get her to unload the tears on you. Once the tears come out you can grab her and bring her in closer. When you start caressing her face and holding the back of her head she will see you as someone who has known her forever.
7. wipe her tears and tell her how beautiful she is even in the hardest of times and kiss her.
8. when she starts kissing back engulf her entire body and at some point say how glad you are to have found her and can not believe it
9. she will then trust you completely and feels she has found someone who understands her and most likely sleep with you.
10. for this method to work you have to seal the deal in less the 36 hours otherwise you risk her discovering more of your character and being just a friend.