What To Know Before Dating A Stripper

Thanks to Myspace bringing people together you would have never met in real life, I had the misfortune of meeting a stripper. It all started on Myspace when I came across this sexy Halloween costume wearing chick and I sent her a little E Gift to get her attention. At the time we were just conversing online harmlessly and she did not tell me her profession. I thought I just hit it off big with a hot chick that was way out of my league. After winning her trust and convincing her that I was not an E Creep she decided to get together one night and that was the beginning of her Chicago Nasty that was to befall upon me. If you're seriously considering dating a stripper then you need to learn from my experience. You will need to wake the hell up, uncover her psychological problems, see past her exaggerations, deal with her narcissism, lack of bathroom etiquette, her family lies, and her promiscuity which all should add up to explain why certain girls are not datable as strippers.

First of all guys, wake the hell up she's is a stripper. If you are one of those guys who thinks he's found the hooker with the heart of gold, just know this is not Pretty Woman and she isn't Julia Roberts. She takes her clothes off for a living and gives dances to the dregs of society as they rub their unwashed boners on her ass in the champagne room. Nice guys always seem to fall for the stripper type and slowly but surely, they eat him alive with their un-sacred used up chastity. How can you really trust a woman who lies during her whole performance as a stripper and trust what she says to you when you don't even tip her! Just remember, strippers are one step away from becoming a full blown porn star and ending up on Rock of Love with Brett Micheals.

Some guys may just be in it for the quick in and out but they still get used up. That is a perfectly fine arrangement if you do not plan on getting emotionally attached. Just remember to ask a series of questions and research if this bitch is totally off her medications (yes more than one). I made the mistake of getting involved with a self delusional sociopath who thought she was rich and Owned a thriving internet clothing business. She had three cars, wore designer clothes, had money and a nice condo but what I later discovered was that she had two sugar daddies sprinkling her with trinkets. She was not a self made woman as she led me to believe but she talked as though she had a great team working around her making her internet fortunes.

In the beginning of our relationship we had a great time just talking. Our conversations were so ridiculous and out of the box, it felt like she really knew me. Her bizarre antics and quick wit is what attracted me the most about her. She would call me at all hours of the day to say hello or to tell me about how good a hot dog she just ate tasted. I honestly felt like we had become best friends so to speak. However she started to complain about irrelevant things and how much she hated how hard her life was. She started to bitch everyday and ask for advice. I would calm her down every time and get her back on the wagon with no problems. It was then when I realized that I was her personal therapist and she called me to vent about the stupidest things that had no bearing on reality or our relationship.

When we first started to go out I thought I was dating a famous cult status Myspace celebrity who was a self made online business Women. She always had people stopping by her place and her phone rang constantly. Everything had to do with her online clothing store and she was making money hand over fist. You would be amazed at how much bullshitting can influence you when the chick who is doing it is smoking hot. The thing was, it was all talk and I never saw anything really coming in money wise. Her whole self made business women motif was conjured up by exaggerating how big she really was. Talk about exaggerating, I had a friend who was dating a girl who said she was in the Air Force when in fact it was just a Halloween costume that she owned (Ok, that guy was me as well, but I learned from that experience too). When a stripper starts running her mouth at how successful she is, take a step back and then realize if that were true then she wouldn't be a stripper and call bullshit.

Another issue that began to eat at me was her constant narcissistic tendencies. She wanted me to take pictures of her everywhere we went regardless of the occasion. I asked her if she felt weird that all her photo albums contained pictures just of herself. She just laughed obnoxiously and asked me to take another picture. I mean, I can understand going to a foreign country and taking pictures but this classic narcissist took pictures of herself coming out of the damn gas station. If we went to the gym she would just stare at herself in the mirror instead of working out. In her defense its not hard to figure out where she got her narcissism from, after all she works at a place where guys throw dollar bills at her for her being hot. If that wasn't enough, her Myspace page takes 6 minutes to load because she has 600 pictures of herself posted to her profile. That alone should have sounded a distress call to me loud enough to have warned the Edmond Fitzgerald.

Despite all of her idiosyncrasies, I thought I was pretty cool pulling a hot piece of Myspace ass until I got to discover first hand her lack of bathroom etiquette. I was brought up to think that girls don't shit, fart or belch like Micheal Moore after having a buffet of extreme fajitas. I picked her up from the airport one day (thinking she was returning on business, HA) and all of a sudden I smelled something that only could have come out of Auschwitz. The smell was so horrible that I honestly thought I had hit a skunk. Without skipping a beat she said, "Sorry I squeezed out some guts on that one hahahahaha". I was immediately disgusted and considered vomiting in her lap, but that would only have brought closer to the Stink Nuggets. If that wasn't enough, later that day she took a dump at my condo with the door opened and asked me to bring her a bottled water for her enjoyment. What would you have done or even thought? I was struggling to keep the relationship going at that point.

To top it all off I come to find out that our friendship was even fucked up. All those conversations about her past and her family issues were complete bullshit. She told me how her father died when she was a little girl and how her mother ran off because she didn't want to be a mother. I of course took it in hook, line and condom and felt sorry for her. Her sharing these events with me brought me closer to her and formed a connection for my part anyway. While at her condo one day her phone rang and she told me to get it, and guess what? Her father was back from the dead! Turns out he is alive and well and that story was a complete lie for sympathy or to fit her delusional psychosis story line. Her mother turned out to be a sociopath (just like her daughter) and that's why the father divorced her mother. So she grew up in an environment where she was spoiled by her parents trying to out due one another and she never got to experience disappointment like normal people do.

The straw that broke the camels back was discovering her promiscuity. Her being a stripper alone should have been the warning sign of cheating but I continued thrust and crush it with a smile. This girl's lack of indiscretion led her into having conversations with different men in front of me while being on her cell phone. She told me it was just business related and that she was going out for a dinner meeting to discuss her online clothing store with a prospective investor (yeah right). I am not a stalker or insecure by any means, but when the dumb bitch signs on to her email from my computer and stores the password to sign her in automatically, I'm going to read it. I found pictures of guys cocks that were emailed to her, videos of them jerking off and vice versus of the like. I really felt like the guy who walked in on the milkman banging his wife.

The signs were all there telling me to back off from a serious relationship but I continued on anyway. When you have the greatest Sex east of the Mississippi between the hours of 8am and 5pm you're going to stick around for a while. However, once you realize you are intentionally being put through the sausage grinder you start to say fuck off to the abuse from the delusional sociopath. The whole relationship was nothing more than me riding a psychotic horse into a burning barn full steam. If you date a stripper make sure you Hit it and Quit It, fuck it and chuck it, smash and dash it, pump it and dump it and leave that dishrag whore in the wind. In the end, I finally woke the hell up, opened my eyes to her psychological issues, saw the truth in her exaggerations, became disgusted by her bathroom etiquette, turned off by her promiscuity and closed the book after learning about her family upbringing.